Here’s why you want what you want

Journey vs. Destination: feel better

  • I want to start a regular yoga practice. Do you know why? Because I think I’ll feel better.
  • My friend wants to buy a place on the beach. Why? Because she thinks she’ll feel better in the having of it.
  • My client wants a beautiful, satisfying, romantic relationship. Why? Because she thinks she will feel better.

Of course, we’re not the only ones.

Think about what you want—the goals you want to achieve, the shiny pennies you want to acquire, the experiences you want to have.

You want everything you want because you think you will feel better in accomplishing it, having it, or doing it. That’s why you want the job or the money, the partner or the house, the vacation or the promotion.

“Everything you want is because you think you will feel better in the having of it.” —Abraham

Now why does this matter?

It matters because too many of us are focused on feeling some way in the future when we arrive at our desired destination—the job, the partner, the money, the promotion.

Let me say that another way. Let’s say you want to feel empowered. And you think getting the promotion will make you feel empowered. So you wait until you get the promotion to feel that way.

But that’s not how life works.

If we go back to Law of Attraction 101, we know all circumstance are neutral.

Now normally when I talk about this it’s about circumstances someone is blaming for their negative emotion. Your boss yelled, the check got lost in the mail, you gained 10 pounds, you didn’t get the job offer. All those circumstances are neutral.

You might be tempted to say, My boss yelling made me angry. But that’s not really the case. The circumstance is neutral. The thoughts you had about your boss yelling made you angry.

I’ll give you another example of this.

The other day a client shared her upset when she was asked to come into the office for a 15-minute meeting. And here’s a bit of context: My client works from home. To attend the 15-minute meeting would necessitate a lengthy commute when she could much more easily just conference in.

Bottom line: My client said the request to come into the office made her so mad.

Did you catch that? The request made her mad.

My client found it helpful when we untangled the circumstance—which was being asked to come into the office for a short meeting—from the thoughts she was having about the request.

It was eye opening for her to hear me say I would have simply declined the request and not felt any strong emotion one way or the other about it.

Now how can that be? Same scenario, but one person is “so mad” and the other feels neutral.

In other words, two people can react to the same circumstance and feel very different emotions.

Which points to the fact that the circumstance itself is neutral and it is your thoughts that create your feelings. It is my thoughts that create my feelings.

This is why Hans and I can have a totally different response to the same instance of poor customer service.

  • My thoughts make it mean something that causes me to feel irritated and impatient.
  • Hans’ thoughts make the exact same encounter mean something that causes him to love and appreciate his fellow man.

I kid you not. Same slow service or messed up order and he’s full of goodwill and more often than I’d like to admit, I’m not. That is because of the thoughts each of us is thinking and what we’re making the circumstance mean.

I’ll say it one more time: Your thoughts about the circumstance create your feelings.

You’re with me, right?

It’s the same for “positive” circumstances too. They are not creating your feelings either.

You get the promotion, win the lottery, buy the new house—and you say those events, those circumstances, those things made you happy.

But that’s not really what’s going on.

  • It is your thoughts about the promotion that have created the feeling of happiness.
  • It is your thoughts about winning the lottery.
  • It is your thoughts about buying the new house.

It is your thinking about the “positive” circumstance that has created your feelings.

So here’s my point: Circumstances being neutral works both ways. For the unwanted and wanted in your life. For the “negative” and for the “positive”.

If it’s not circumstances making you feel happy or empowered or optimistic, and if, instead, it is your thinking, then you can take the shortcut to the feeling you want.

You don’t have to wait for the desired manifestation to feel good, to feel how you want to feel.

And that is very good news indeed! You can feel now how you want to feel—even before the manifestation.

Now here’s the icing on the cake: By feeling that way now, which will be some flavor of feeling good, you will actually speed the manifestation.

Feeling good is the pathway to what you want.

“You do not have to wait for a good thing to happen in order to feel good, for you have the ability to direct your thoughts toward improved things no matter what is currently present in your experience. And when you care about how you feel and you are willing to pivot and turn your attention toward better-feeling thoughts, you will quickly begin the positive, deliberate transformation of your life.” —Abraham

Sometimes I worry I say that too much, but it really is the bottom line. Feeling good is the pathway to what you want. Because what you want is to feel good, right? And feeling good allows what you want to manifest.

Too many of us are willing to postpone feeling good until after we get what we want.

Does that ring true for you? How often have you sacrificed the journey on the way to what you want?

That was my M.O. for years!

But if the feeling is what you’re really after—and it is—then why wait? Why postpone how you want to feel? Don’t hold feeling good hostage until you get what you want.

Here’s the thing: When you sacrifice feeling good on the journey to what you want, you often delay or derail the manifestation altogether.

You don’t want the relationship because you think it will make you feel lonely. So how is feeling lonely now going to allow the manifestation of the relationship?

Why not feel now how you want to feel and move forward toward what you want?

When you truly embrace you want the new car, the leaner body, the beach vacation because you will feel better in the having of it, you can really leverage Law of Attraction.

I have a few pointers for you.

First, care about how you feel.

Your #1 priority each day should be feeling good.

“Your emotions come in response to your thoughts. So a feeling is a manifestation because it’s coming in response to a thought. If you care about the way you feel, you will find a way to redirect your thoughts. It really is as simple as that.” —Abraham

And by “redirect your thoughts”, Abraham simply means thoughts that feel good when you think them.

Next, embrace the feeling is what you’re really after.

If you find yourself arguing with this or selectively forgetting it, this is where you need to start. Because as long as you want to pin how you feel on circumstances and chase circumstances in order to feel a certain way, you’re stuck in a low vibe loop that doesn’t serve you.

Next, clarify how you want to feel.

So you have this desire—this goal you want to achieve or shiny penny you want to acquire. I want to know how you think achieving that goal or getting that shinny penny is going to make you feel.

Sometimes clients are unclear about the feeling associated with their desire. If you’re unsure, start with what you want—and then ask yourself why you want it.

Why do you want what you want? Keep asking yourself that question until you land on a feeling. Because, I promise you, there is a feeling you’re after.

For instance, here’s how this might sound….

My client, Liz, wants to manifest more clients for her photography business. When I initially asked what feeling she’s after, Liz wasn’t sure.

  • I ask: Why do you want more clients?
  • Liz says: So I can make more money.
  • So then I ask: Why do you want to make more money?
  • Liz says: So I can leave my corporate job.
  • I ask another why: Why do you want to leave your corporate job?
  • Liz says: So I can do my photography business full-time.
  • I ask: Why do you want that?
  • Liz lands on the feeling: Because I want freedom. I want to feel free.

Then we went to work on how Liz can feel freedom right now even before she gets what she wants and leaves her corporate job to go full-time in her photography business.

So if you’re not sure about the feeling you’re after, just keeping asking yourself those “Why” questions.

Once you’ve identified the feeling you’re after, then what?

Feel that way now.

  • If you want the promotion so you feel abundant, how can you feel abundant now?
  • If you want the dream relationship and think it will make you feel secure, how can you feel secure now?
  • If you want to travel because you’ll feel inspired and adventuresome, how you can feel those now?

“The reason you want every single thing that you want is because you think you will feel really good when you get there. But, if you don’t feel really good on your way to there, you can’t get there. You have to be satisfied with what-is while you are reaching for more.” —Abraham

We’re used to waiting until we get what we want and then expecting the feeling to show up.

Finding ways to feel the way you want in advance of the manifestation could be a little awkward at first. Most of us are not used to doing this.

Be willing to be a beginner and experiment. Be willing to play with this concept of feeling in advance of your desired manifestation.

Remember: This doesn’t have to be super serious. So have fun with it! And if you want support, schedule a coaching session with me.

You really do want whatever it is you want because you think you’ll feel better.

When you truly embrace this, you can take the shortcut to the feeling you want. Taking the shortcut pays off in three ways:

  1. You can feel the way you want right away.
  2. You can actually enjoy the journey to what you want rather than postpone how you want to feel until someday in the future. (That one is super cool!)
  3. Aligning with the vibration of what you want—in other words, feeling now how you’ll feel when what you want manifests—makes you a vibrational match. And when you’re a vibrational match to what you want, the manifestation comes.

“Everything you want is because you think you will feel better in the having of it. We want you to show yourself that you can feel better without the having of it, and then you can have it.” —Abraham