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You do not need others to be different to feel good

Gunk of Low-Energy Living: unconditional alignment

What does it mean when you encounter low-vibe, negative people? And how should you deal with them?

  • This could be your boss or a colleague at work.
  • Perhaps it’s your negative spouse or low-vibe mother-in-law.
  • Maybe it’s a good friend or your next door neighbor.
  • Or maybe you are encountering low-vibes and negativity from the barista at your local cafe or cashier at the grocery store.

Here’s the bottom line: Your alignment cannot be conditional on conditions.

And people needing to behave in a certain way—for instance, to be positive and high vibe—is most certainly a condition.

“You’re the only person who thinks in your mind. So if you think others are driving you crazy—you’ve got it wrong: It’s the way you think about others that’s the problem. You can always choose different thoughts.” —Abraham

Oh! Really?! I don’t get to blame the other person and their low vibe? I don’t get to shine a spotlight on their negativity and say, They need to clean that up! They need to change. They need to behave differently.

Nope. Unconditional alignment.

Unconditional alignment is taking responsibility for your own feelings, which is so liberating.

“Line up your energy and leave your partner alone. Stop giving other people the responsibility for the way you feel, it’s the only place you’re ever going to find freedom.” —Abraham

But here’s what often happens.

Your boss is in a bad mood. Or your spouse is upset about work. Or your friend is complaining again. And the negativity is bringing you down. It’s effecting your own mood.

And that’s because you’re making feeling good conditional upon the behavior of others. You’re letting the behavior of others—in this case the negativity of others—cause you not to feel good.

“You can find yourself in an endless loop where you explain that you feel negative because of the negative behavior of someone else. But if, instead, you take control of your own emotions and you think an improved thought because it feels better to do so, you will discover that no matter how the negative trend got started, you can turn it around.” —Abraham

Law of Attraction will never, ever suggest the path to happiness is controlling others or trying to get them to change.

“I’m stable enough that I don’t need the condition to be perfect in order for me to be in alignment. If negative people are driving you nuts, it’s because you’re wobbly. It’s because you’re not sure about your vibration.” —Abraham

So the rest of this post is really about one thing and one thing only: Unconditional alignment.

  • Alignment without conditions.
  • Alignment no matter what’s going on around you.
  • Alignment regardless of how your boss or kids are behaving.
  • Alignment not dependent on everyone around you being rainbows and unicorns.

“If their words can bother you, then you are not free.” —Abraham

Unconditional alignment is mostly definitely about being free. You are free of others needing to follow your manual for them—your rule book—in order for you to feel good.

I admit, when I started researching this post, I wanted to find the magic formula for getting negative people to be positive. I wanted five steps to get the Negative Nellies in my life to look on the bright side.

I realize how invested I am in those around me being upbeat and happy—so I can be happy. Are you like that too? It’s just easier to be positive when those around you are positive, right?

Well that, my friend, is conditional alignment. And it’s a trap.

And here’s another thing: A lot of us go around talking about how sensitive we are to other people’s energy.

We say things like: I’m just such a sensitive person. The energy of other people really affects me. If I’m around someone in a bad mood or who’s feeling down, it really changes my own mood. My husband comes home in a funk and it just really brings me down. I just wish my co-workers weren’t so negative; their mood rubs off on me.

Do you say or think things like that?

It’s time to stop making other people responsible for how you feel. It’s time to stop blaming Debbie Downer at work for how you feel. It’s time to stop letting your vibration depend on other people.

“Deliberate creation is about feeling good anyway—not letting the behavior or the attitude or the opinion or the beliefs of someone else be so dominant in your experience that it affects the way you feel. That’s what true mastery of Law of Attraction really is.” —Abraham

Darn it! It’s not about my husband needing to look on the bright side? It’s not about the surly waitress needing to be different? It’s not about my best friend needing to cheer up?

“Sometimes it seems like others have the power to negatively affect your experience, but that is never true; only your response to them has the power to pinch you off from the naturally good-feeling person you are.” —Abraham

Now, you may be a sensitive person. And that’s actually great! Because when you’re sensitive to the way you feel, you can readily use your built-in Emotional Guidance System to reach for better-feeling thoughts.

Being a sensitive person means you can really leverage Law of Attraction. What it doesn’t mean is you get to use your sensitivity as an excuse to try to control the behavior of others.

If you self-identify as a highly sensitive person, use that to your advantage to take responsibility for controlling your thoughts and what you focus your attention on.

Being a highly sensitive person does not give you carte blanche to try to control others so that you can feel good.

I was not too excited realizing this.

Because I still wanted to hang on to the idea that it’s the other people who need to change.

It’s the people who are being negative who need to be more positive—so I can feel good. It’s the people who are low-vibe who need to be high-vibe—so I can feel good.

And hey, I was also thinking this: Well, it’s better for them if they are more positive and higher vibe. I want that for others.

But it’s not up to me to decide how someone should feel. That is just asking to throw my own vibration out of whack.

“Let others vibrate as they vibrate and want the best for them. Never mind how they’re flowing to you. You concentrate on how you’re flowing. Because one who is in alignment with Source is more powerful, more influential than millions who are not.” —Abraham

You don’t have to be vulnerable to having your vibration lowered by the behavior of others.

Let’s face it: You’re never going to get all the people in your life to behave exactly as you want. It’s not going to happen. They are free to do and say and be who they want.

So you have a choice—to continue to make your own alignment conditional: If your husband and kids and co-workers behave the way you want, you feel good. If they don’t, you don’t feel good.

Or you can embrace unconditional alignment.

“You have to become someone who wants to live unconditionally. It’s the only way you will ever be free.” —Abraham

It’s your job to feel good regardless of how anyone else is feeling or what they are doing.

Because here’s the thing: You can’t make the other person be the reason you feel good; it’s your job to maintain a frequency that aligns you with your Inner Being.

“Instead of asking others to change their behavior, your power is in your changing your reaction to their behavior. You have no control over their behavior, but you do have complete control over your reaction to it.” —Abraham

Abraham even suggests thanking the negative people in your life for teaching you what unconditional alignment really is.

  • Thank you, grouchy sales clerk, for helping me practice unconditional alignment.
  • Thank you, husband ranting about politics, for helping me practice unconditional alignment.
  • Thank you, mother-in-law complaining about everything, for helping me practice unconditional alignment.

You do not need others to be different to feel good.

Can you accept the truth of that statement? Because if you can, even a little, it’s so liberating, so empowering.

“Stop asking others to be the change that you need in order to feel better. That is is the freedom that you are looking for.” —Abraham

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