Everything has to be perfect vs. Done is better than perfect
The perfect holiday. The perfect performance. The perfect house. The perfect life. Everything has to be perfect. You can’t make mistakes. Failing is unacceptable. You have to be perfect. The perfectionist mindset creates this reality: Before you even swing your legs out of bed in the morning and put your feet on the floor, you […]
Some women actually think self-care is selfish
This is a dangerous lie that ignores basic facts about mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. This lie—self-care is selfish—leads to worn out, frazzled, harried, stressed, overwhelmed women. It’s not a pretty sight. It’s wonderful to do for others. But it crosses the line into unhealthy when it’s at the sacrifice of yourself. Think of […]
Saying “it’s complicated” is just a big excuse
Do you have a special talent for making things difficult, overly involved, convoluted? In other words, for making life more complicated than it needs to be. Perhaps you’ve created a complex process for filing your emails, recycling the garbage, celebrating holidays or tracking your finances. And do you find yourself defending the complexity by saying, […]
There’s a saying: Comparison is the thief of joy
Well, comparison is also a sneaky energy thief. Thinking everyone is better off—has it easier, has more stuff, better looks, more advantages…is an energy wasteland. Comparison breeds bitterness, resentment and jealousy. It also triggers insecurity, anxiety and self-doubt. Comparison: It’s the mantra of separation and disconnect. Because whatever the particular comparison, it’s them versus you—and […]
I’ve got good news for you: Your way is not the only way
Have you ever thought to yourself: I’m the only one who can do it right. This is an exhausting lie because it means you’re doing everything. From creating the PowerPoint slides to putting up the holiday decorations to dropping the kids off at soccer. From balancing the checkbook to doing the laundry to running the […]
No is a complete sentence
Here’s the problem: Saying yes too often and to the wrong things means you end up drained and depleted. Overwhelmed and exhausted. And, truth be told, feeling burdened, put upon, and probably a little resentful. We say yes to be needed, liked, and avoid disappointing others. We say yes out of guilt, out of duty, […]
ALERT! ALERT! What you say to yourself matters
Are you a nice person? Or do you belittle others and make them feel bad about themselves? Do you harp on people’s weaknesses and call them names? Do you make others feel they’re not good enough or acceptable as they are? I’m guessing your answer is, That’s awful! Of course I don’t say and do […]
Are you worried people won’t like you if you set boundaries?
Boundaries act as a filter—letting in the good stuff that enhances you and keeping out the bad stuff that diminishes you. You may find it difficult to set boundaries because you put others’ needs and feelings first, feel you don’t have the right to declare what is and isn’t OK for you, and worry setting […]
Mini mission—Go one day without complaining
Do you complain a lot? You just might be surprised. For instance, have you complained today about the weather? The traffic? Or your spouse doing this or not doing that? Have you complained today about your job, commute, co-workers or boss? Have you complained about your kids? Customer service? Or a recent purchase that didn’t meet […]
The struggle between competency and calling
I sometimes ask clients to list all their competencies—all the skills they’ve acquired over the years. When pushed to brainstorm a little longer and dig a little deeper, most come up with quite a long list. Then I ask them to put a line through all those they don’t really enjoy doing. It’s amazing to see […]