We seek approval in so many ways, about so many things. What we wear and what we believe. What we eat and say. The choices we make and how we live our lives.
We care what our friends and colleagues think about us. We care what our spouse and kids think about us. Often we even care about what the stranger passing us on the street thinks about us.
We seek approval from others. We seek approval outside ourselves.
Approval is the belief someone or something is good or acceptable. So we’re looking outside ourselves for validation that we’re good, we’re acceptable.
We want approval. We seek approval. We sometimes turn ourselves inside out for approval.
It’s exhausting. It’s self-sabotaging for sure. And it’s in the way of you leveraging the Law of Attraction.
I have a long history with approval seeking.
Even now, this is something I work on. And tapping into Abraham has helped more than any other thing I’ve tried for letting go of people pleasing.
Which is why I want to share these 11 quotes from Abraham on the topic of seeking approval. My hope is to help you let go of your people pleasing, approval seeking ways.
So let’s begin.
11 things Abraham says about approval seeking.
“Seeking approval of others hinders my joyousness. If the way you feel depends on anything outside of you, you’re in trouble. But if you depend only upon your connection with your own Inner Being, then everything in your experience falls into alignment.” —Abraham
I think we all know what it feels like to be looking outside ourselves for approval, for validation, for an atta-girl, not get it, and then feel upset, insecure, deflated.
Abraham doesn’t mince words: “If the way you feel depends on anything outside of you, you’re in trouble”. Yikes, right?
Because so many of us are walking around looking to circumstances, events, things, and people to line up so we can feel good. And they do sometimes line up—and that feels wonderful.
But then something isn’t the way we want and we don’t feel good. Because the way we feel is dependent on something outside ourselves.
Are you someone who can only really feel good when someone is validating you in some way?
- You look nice.
- You did a great job.
- I agree with you.
- Yes, that’s the right decision.
Are you always seeking this kind of approval from outside yourself?
Or are you able to tell yourself you look nice, you did a great job? Are you able to make decisions for yourself—even if others think you should decide differently?
I like what Abraham says at the end: “If you depend only upon your connection with your own Inner Being, then everything in your experience falls into alignment.”
This is new ground for many of us. Give it a try. Depend on your connection to your own Inner Being. Lean into it. Rely on it.
“All insecurity, every bit of insecurity that anyone/everyone feels is because they’re looking for someone else’s approval rather than closing their own vibrational gap, every single time. No exceptions.” —Abraham
Insecurity is an uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. It’s a lack of confidence. When you are connected with your Inner Being, there is no insecurity. There is no uncertainty.
But when you start looking outside yourself for approval, the connection to your Inner Being is undermined and you get wobbly.
Have you ever considered at the root of your insecurity is approval seeking? I want you to think about it. If you are connected to your Inner Being, in alignment, in your Vortex, there can be no insecurity.
But when you look to what others want from you or expect from you, you distort your connection to Source. You cut yourself off from your own wisdom. Of course that’s going to make you feel insecure. Because your own inner voice and wisdom and knowing is always, always, always going to be what’s best for you.
“Do not get drawn into anyone’s drama. Do not stand on your head to please others in a distorted way of soothing their misalignment. It’s better to let those things that are not a match leave your experience.” —Abraham
Does this one resonate? This is classic people pleasing behavior.
I definitely am raising my hand as someone who has stood on her head to try to soothe others’ misalignment.
What a drag and energy drain! And it doesn’t work. You can’t truly soothe another person’s misalignment.
“You must release your desire for the approval of others, because as long as you are letting the approval of others affect you, you will always be in an out of balance situation, because they are all wanting something different from you.” —Abraham
This quote offers me so much relief. Think about it: You can’t please everyone. It’s simply not possible. Whether you have 5 people in your life or 50 or 500, you can’t please them all.
I’ve certainly found this to be true in my work life. Whenever I start focusing on what my audience wants and my subscribers want and my clients want, I lose me in the process. Because they all want something different from me.
It really does create an out of balance situation.
I’m guessing the same is true for you, but here’s what I’ve noticed with clients. Many of us are so used to living with this out of balance situation, that we don’t really notice it anymore. We walk into every situation and scenario in our lives with this desire for approval running in the background. And we often don’t notice it. It’s just so normal.
This tendency toward people pleasing is just how we show up.
- Why am I doing this?
- Is it to please me or someone else?
- Am I doing it to be liked or accepted?
- Am I doing it so I don’t make waves?
- Am I doing it to fit in or look good?
Because those are sure signs of seeking approval. And they will most certainly lead to an out of balance situation.
“We want you to stop caring about what anybody else’s response is to you. And when you get there, they’ll all really, really like you. It’s the strangest thing. When you need their approval, you never get it. And when you don’t need their approval, you’re so tuned in, everybody wants to be with you.” —Abraham
This is true wisdom. And it’s such a funny paradox.
When you’re in constant approval seeking mode, it’s a turnoff. It sends out a desperate, needy energy that is repelling, not attracting. Often the more approval seeking we are, the less approval we actually experience.
Abraham is putting words to what happens when you really and truly don’t care what other people think of you. Because when you don’t, when you only care about your connection with your Inner Being, you become the biggest magnet.
It sounds like such a contradiction, but when you stop seeking approval and are secure in your own opinion of you, the shift in energy is incredible.
“Stop leaving your Vortex for their approval.” —Abraham
This one is bumper sticker worthy!
Remember the Vortex is Abraham’s term for alignment to Source energy. It’s the place where all your dreams and wishes and hopes are held until you find vibrational alignment with them. Being in the Vortex means you’re experiencing the kind of alignment that fosters magic and miracles.
And the truth is: Whenever you are seeking their approval rather than your own, you’ve left your Vortex. Plain and simple.
Which means either you value people pleasing and approval seeking or you value being in your Vortex and experiencing magic and miracles.
Pretty simple choice if you ask me.
“Create for your satisfaction not for the approval of others” —Abraham
I’ve noticed some have a very narrow definition of what it means to create. When you hear the word “create” maybe you think about painting a picture or making jewelry or knitting or writing.
So when Abraham says “create for your satisfaction”, you gloss past this one. You think to yourself, Well, I don’t paint or knit or write, so this one doesn’t apply.
Not so fast! We are all creators. Beyond painting and knitting and writing, we are all creating our lives. Creating our reality.
Too many of us are creating lives to please others. To line up with the expectations of others—maybe for you it’s your family or society at large you’re trying to please.
Abrahams says create for your own satisfaction. That certainly means create your life for your own satisfaction. Not to make others happy. Not to keep up with the Joneses. Not because it looks good from the outside. No, create a life you love for your own satisfaction.
I hear this from clients who say something like, Oh, but I can’t do what I really want because…followed by some external disapproval of what they want to do.
They say things like:
- I can’t change careers because everyone will think I’m crazy.
- I can’t take a trip on my own because of how would that look.
- I can’t sell the house because my kids would be upset.
- I can’t start my own business because my husband doesn’t approve.
- I can’t wear that because I’m too old.
- I can’t do that because no one would support me.
Whether the lack of approval is real or perceived doesn’t matter. The point is they are looking outside themselves for approval rather than creating for their own satisfaction.
“My joy doesn’t depend upon the approval of others. No effective guidance will ever be achieved by seeking the approval of others, for they all desire different things of you. Constant, pure guidance from Source comes forth from within you. It is always there.” —Abraham
I’m learning this every single day. Since my obsession with Law of Attraction, I’m so much more tapped into Source guiding me rather than trying to take the temperature of the room, so to speak, to figure out my next move.
Be honest. Does your joy depend on the approval of others?
Do you really only feel good when you’re getting an atta-girl? When no one is voicing their disagreement or displeasure with your choices or beliefs? When everyone is praising you?
What could life be like for you if you turned that on its head? If instead of seeking approval outside of you—which you’re never going to get from everyone—you only valued your own approval?
That is life changing.
“Seeking their approval is the opposite of seeking your own alignment.” —Abraham
I love this because it doesn’t pull any punches. If you are seeking approval from others you are not in alignment. You are, in fact, working against your own alignment.
Seeking their approval equals your own misalignment. Period. End of sentence.
This insight has really helped me. Because my alignment is everything to me these days. I know that being in alignment is the fuel, the foundation, the everything of what I really want.
So I’m really committed to not doing things that are counter to my own alignment. And I believe any form of approval seeking and people pleasing is counter to alignment.
“Detachment isn’t selfish. It’s caring for yourself and letting others care for themselves.” —Abraham
Detachment. I haven’t always understood this word, this concept, but I am definitely embracing it these days.
Detachment equals no drama.
Lately I’ve been exploring the idea of detaching from people’s opinion of me—positive or negative. Detaching even from the consideration of what people are thinking about me.
I want you to imagine detaching. Detaching from:
- the opinions of others
- caring what others think about you and your choices
- needing or wanting praise and accolades
- reacting to disapproval or disagreement
There’s that quote that goes something like: Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. Honestly, I didn’t understand that quote until very recently. Not only did I not understand it, but I strongly disagreed with it! I thought, but of course their opinion of me is my business. It’s about me.
What I didn’t realize or embrace was the idea of detachment. And to be perfectly honest, I wanted to know their opinion of me so I could be happy if they liked me and what I was doing—and so I could try to change their mind if they didn’t like me or what I was doing.
That is the energy drain of approval seeking. Of caring about others’ opinions of you. Of attaching to the opinions of others.
“If we were standing in your physical shoes, that would be our dominant quest: entertaining yourself, pleasing yourself, connecting with yourself, being yourself, enjoying yourself, loving yourself.” —Abraham
- Notice Abraham didn’t say living by committee and polling everyone around you.
- Abraham didn’t say live life as if it’s a popularity contest to see if you can get the most likes.
- Abraham didn’t say act like a chameleon, changing yourself to match up to whatever environment you happen to be in.
No, Abraham says please yourself, connect with yourself, be yourself.
You can’t please and connect and be yourself when you’re seeking external approval. Those are in opposition to each other. The minute you start trying to please those around you, you’re not really being yourself and you are on the path of misalignment.
Embrace pleasing YOU. Seek YOUR own approval.