A question popped into my mind the other day: What is the difference between tolerating and allowing? And does it matter?
Well, turns out there is quite a difference, and yes, indeed, it does matter.
I think the reason this question came up for me is I’ve been noticing the energy when someone makes the decision to tolerate something in their life, which on the surface might seem like a really good thing. To tolerate. To be tolerant.
For instance, one of my clients has always had a low vibe relationship with her mother-in-law.
It’s a dozen years into their relationship, and pretty much all those years have been irritating and frustrating and draining for my client.
Recently she had what she called an epiphany about just accepting her mother-in-law exactly as she is. That sounds good, right? My client said: I’m going to let her be exactly who she is and just tolerate her.
My client meant that would be a vibrational shift on her part—to accept her mother-in-law as is and tolerate her.
That could mean releasing resistance and raising her vibration. Wherever my client has been vibrationally on this subject for the last twelve years, this new perspective of acceptance and tolerance could reflect a move up the emotional scale. A lift in vibration. An improved point of attraction.
Only my client knows how these new thoughts of acceptance and tolerance feel.
That’s an important point. Sometimes tolerance might mean we release resistance and raise our vibration, and that’s a good thing—and yet we are still not necessarily at a high vibration feeling positive emotion.
I asked my client to imagine her new outlook of acceptance/tolerance and tell me how it feels. After a rather long pause, she said, Still really draining.
This is because of the difference between tolerating and allowing.
So, back to the question I’m curious about: Is there a difference between tolerating and allowing? If so, what is the difference—and what does that difference have to do with manifesting? Because that’s always what’s in the back of my mind!
Just real quick, it might be helpful to get us all on the same page as far as what I mean by tolerating. I’m just going with the dictionary definition here, nothing special.
To tolerate is to allow the existence of something you don’t necessarily like or agree with without interference. To tolerate is to accept or endure with forbearance. Yikes—forbearance. I’m sensing some friction in the vibration!
As is often the case when I am curious about something related to Law of Attraction, I check in with Abraham. And it turns out there is a big vibrational difference between tolerating and allowing, and because of this vibrational difference, one is really good for manifesting and one…not so much.
Let’s start with the concept of Allowing. Of being an Allower. Which is different than Tolerating and being a Tolerator.
“The Art of Allowing which says, I am that which I am, and I am willing to allow all others to be that which they are, is the Law that will lead you to total freedom—freedom from any experience that you do not want, and freedom from any negative response to any experience that you do not approve of. —Abraham
OK, let’s pause here. My client was definitely not experiencing freedom on the subject of her mother-in-law. Not in the past when she was pushing against and not even in the present as she considers taking this new approach of tolerating.
“When we say it is good to be an Allower, many of you misunderstand what we mean by that, for you think that Allowing means that you will tolerate. You will be that what you are (which by your standards is that which is appropriate), and you will let everyone else be that which they want to be, even if you do not like it. You will feel negative about it; you will feel sorry for them; you may even feel fearful for yourself, but, nevertheless, you will let them be—but in a tolerant fashion.” —Abraham
Oh my! When I shared this with my client, she so recognized herself! Yes, she was going to be tolerant of her mother-in-law, but still feel negative about her and her behavior.
My client raised her hand about her standards being the ones that are appropriate—so not her mother-in-law’s.
And my client raised her hand about letting her mother-in-law be however she wants to be, but not liking it.
“When you are tolerating, you are not Allowing. They are two different things. One who tolerates is feeling negative emotion. One who is an Allower does not feel negative emotion. And that is a very great difference, for it is the absence of negative emotion that is freedom, you see. You cannot experience freedom when you have negative emotion.” —Abraham
Ahhhh! That’s like the holy grail. You cannot experience freedom when you have negative emotion. No! You can’t.
Negative emotion isn’t freedom. Ever. Freedom—top of the emotional scale. Wonderful feeling. High vibration. Negative emotion is not freedom.
“Tolerance may seem to be an advantage for others because you are not hindering them from what they want to do. But tolerance is not an advantage to you, because while you are being tolerant, you are still feeling negative emotion, and therefore, you are still negatively attracting. —Abraham
My client’s plan to accept her mother-in-law in the energy of tolerance was exactly what Abraham is describing. She wasn’t going to hinder her mother-in-law anymore. My client was going to be tolerant of her mother-in-law’s words and actions—and she was still going to be feeling negative emotion.
That is tolerance, not allowing. Which means it’s offering a vibration of resistance, not receiving. Disallowing, not allowing.
This is why tolerating is bad for manifesting.
Because when you tolerate, you feel negative emotion. Therefore, the vibration you offer, to which Law of Attraction responds, is negative emotion.
Where are you on the spectrum of tolerating versus allowing? Think about different situations in your life, different subjects, different people. Where are you tolerating and where are you allowing?
You can keep it really simple: If you feel negative emotion when you think about Don at the office or the situation with your insurance rep or the details of your mortgage, that is tolerating, not allowing.
Here’s the invitation: Where do you have an opportunity to become an Allower?
I think for most of us there is a subject or a person or a situation where we know there’s an opportunity to allow. To practice allowing. To shift from the energy of tolerating to the energy of actually Allowing.
Just imagine for a moment what it could feel like to experience freedom on that subject or with that person or around that situation? That freedom is everything!
“Once you become an Allower, you will no longer attract into your experience those unwanted things, and you will experience absolute freedom and joy.” —Abraham