What-is & Wanted vs. Unwanted: unwanted

Recently several clients have come to coaching because they are frustrated or confused or discouraged about repeatedly attracting the same unwanted situation into their lives.

This might sound like: Why is the same thing happening over and again? Why do I keep attracting the same unwanted thing?

Whether it is the same unwanted type of relationship or job, the same unwanted situation or event, the same unwanted condition or circumstance, these women are ready to attract something new, something different—something wanted.

But before the new, different, wanted can manifest, it’s helpful to know why you are attracting the same situation over and over.

While you may want something new and different, you may not understand how to stop recreating the same old, same old. I think most of us have had experience with this.

  • Perhaps you left a job you really disliked only to find the new job is much the same.
  • Perhaps you left a relationship that wasn’t working only to find yourself in a new relationship that feels much like the old one.

The desire for something new—a better job or abundance, a loving relationship or good health—the desire alone is never enough.

That’s especially true if you’ve been attracting the same unwanted thing over and again. Desire alone for the new and improved is not enough.

“The Law of Attraction is this: You don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.” —Wayne Dyer

Let me share an example of what attracting the same unwanted thing looks like. Here’s the reality one of my clients kept experiencing.

Ruby works as a freelancer. She would always receive money just in time. Just in just in time to pay an unexpected bill, just in time to pay for something she wanted to buy.

Now here’s the thing: Ruby really believes in abundance. She believes there will always be money and that she is supported by the Universe.

While she believes in abundance, what Ruby was manifesting was money coming in just in time. That pattern of experience had a kind of scarcity to it.

So what was going on? Why did Ruby keep attracting the same unwanted thing—i.e., the experience of last minute money, just in time money, coming down to the wire money?

Well, it turns out Ruby had chronic thoughts that money comes just in time. She had developed a chronic vibration around money that was two-fold:

  • Money comes, but it comes at the last minute.
  • There’s enough money, but it arrives just in time.

In other words, Ruby had developed a chronic vibration of a certainty the money would come, and also a certainty it would come right before the bill was due or right before the money was needed.

So Ruby kept creating the same unwanted situation: The tense, anxious situation of money coming at the last minute.

As Ruby experienced this time and again, she had ample evidence to support her two-fold belief: Money comes, but it comes last minute. There’s always enough money, but the price to pay for it, so to speak, was this experience of coming down to the wire for it to make its appearance.

Now, this was not Ruby’s intention.

She liked the first part of the story very much. There’s always enough money. Abundance flows.

But she wanted to change the second part of the story. That second part, she knew, reflected an opportunity to offer a new and different vibration so Law of Attraction could respond with a new and different—and improved—situation.

Chronic habits of thought create chronic vibrations.

Let me say that another way: Your habit of thought creates vibrational patterns—and then Law of Attraction responds.

What is a habit of thought? It’s simply a thought you tend to think, a go-to thought. It’s a thought you regularly think, a persistent thought. You get the idea.

Let me say it again: Your habit of thought creates a vibrational pattern.

Some of these vibrational patterns serve you.

For instance, you might have a habit of thought of appreciating what you notice around you. That habit of thought has created a vibrational pattern in you. As you can imagine, that vibrational pattern serves you very well because appreciation is a high vibe emotion at the top of the emotional scale, and is fuel for manifesting what is wanted.

Other times, though, the vibrational patterns you’ve created do not serve you.

Instead they keep you stuck in a sort of Groundhog day—you know that movie, right?—where you keep creating the same experience over and over again. Yes, your experience may take slightly different forms, but the essence is the same.

When Ruby realized the manifestation of money arriving at the last minute was caused by her chronic thought pattern, she was able to create new beliefs about the timing of money that better serve her.

“The reason you have not already gotten what you desire is because you are holding yourself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire. That is the only reason—ever!” —Abraham

This is why it’s important to understand why you keep attracting the same unwanted thing.

You don’t want to be in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire. Because then your desire won’t manifest. Because then you will attract the same unwanted thing again and again.

Let me pause here and say this: I get that it could be easy to feel hopeless or stuck because you are attracting the same unwanted thing. It could be tempting to be frustrated or discouraged about it. However, those low-vibe emotions will not create the change you’re looking for.

Instead, what if you were to step into the opportunity of this moment? What if you were to step into your power to be a deliberate manifester—no longer attracting what is unwanted and instead attracting what is wanted?

“You have the ability to quickly change your patterns of thought, and eventually, your life experience.” —Abraham

That is what you are wanting, right? You are wanting a different life experience and that is absolutely available to you as you change your patterns of thought.

“A belief is nothing more than a chronic pattern of thought, and you have the ability —if you try even a little bit—to begin a new pattern, to tell a new story, to achieve a different vibration, to change your point of attraction.” —Abraham

Are you attracting the same unwanted thing? If so, I encourage you to look at what’s happening through the lens of Law of Attraction.

If you’ve been manifesting various versions of the same unwanted, then shifting your energy is what’s called for. Shifting your energy is the only way to move from attracting unwanted to attracting wanted.

I want to ofter two ways to shift your energy in the form of two questions—one having to do with chronic thought and one with lessons to learn.

Here are the two questions:

  • What have you been doing with your vibration?
  • What is the lesson you are being offered?

Let’s go deeper into each of these.

If you’ve been attracting the same unwanted, thing, one of the best questions you can ask yourself is simply: What have I been doing with my vibration?

In other words: What have you been doing with your vibration on this subject—whether it be your career or relationship, your money or health. Think about the unwanted situation that seems to keep reappearing in your life, and ask yourself, gently, what is the vibration I’ve been offering?

Let me emphasize “gently”, because the spirit of this exploration is curiosity and creating awareness. It’s about understanding what’s happening and empowering yourself to create something new in your life.

This is not about beating yourself up or taking yourself to task. It’s not about blaming or condemning yourself.

The energy you bring to this question—What have I been doing with my vibration?— is super important. If your approach is from the energy of blame, anger, guilt, unworthiness—or any other low vibe emotion—you’re just adding more friction to your vibration.

Instead, you want to ask this question lightly and love yourself through the answer.

What have you been doing with your vibration?

As always, the vibration you’ve been offering has been caused by your thoughts and beliefs on the subject.

You can only create what your beliefs support. Asking what you’ve been doing with your vibration really is asking what you have been thinking, isn’t it? Because your thoughts cause your emotions.

When you realize you’ve been offering the vibration of anxiousness, you can then connect the dots to what thought or thoughts caused that feeling of anxiousness in you?

For Ruby it was the thought—or belief—that money only comes in that last moment before the situation gets dire. Her practiced thoughts were money only arrives last minute.

A belief is simply a thought you’ve gotten good at thinking. In Ruby’s case she had gotten really good at thinking money only comes last minute.

But that thought doesn’t attract what she wants. That thought—practiced into a belief—doesn’t support what Ruby is wanting to create, which is to feel ease and peace around all things money and to enjoy the experience of money flowing into her life.

This first question—What have you been doing with your vibration?—is really getting at your chronic thought vibrations. Chronic as in persistent. What thoughts have you been thinking persistently and what vibration do they create in you?

With this as your lens, does it now help you understand why and how you’ve been attracting the same unwanted thing? Even more importantly, do you see the guidance this offers for changing your chronic thought patterns to ones that serve you and will attract what you want?

The second question you might find helpful to ask yourself: What is the lesson you are being offered?

Now, when I say lesson, I don’t mean you’re being taught a lesson in a punitive sense. Not at all.

You are a growth-seeking Being. Your expansion is inevitable. Sometimes we find ourselves in the repeat of a situation, maybe even many repeats of a situation, because we are catching up to our Inner Being. We are catching up to our own expansion.

You’ve been attracting the same unwanted thing. What does this situation want you to know, to learn?

For one client, it was once and for all to leave unworthiness in the rearview mirror. To release attracting relationships with partners who did not treat her with kindness and respect and love.

When my client asked herself the question, What is the lesson being offered?, she had an inner knowing, a realization: Only by claiming worthiness, by embracing worthiness, by stepping into worthiness, by making worthy her natural way of showing up would she be able to “unwrap”, so to speak, the gift of growth, the gift of a relationship based on all her ideals, the gift of creating and attracting something new, something different, something wanted.

The lesson was her worthiness. My client has truly embraced this from Abraham: “You’re not here proving your worthiness. You’re here being your worthiness.”

She decided the lesson and the gift to embody, I am worthy.

And do you know what happened? Her energy shifted. Which is exactly what the question is intended to do.

My client had a new lens, a new frame for looking at what she had been creating.

It made sense to her that if she continues to offer the vibration of unworthiness, she will continue to attract relationships and partners that match up to a vibration of unworthiness.

  • She understood, with new clarity—really a new inner knowing—why and how she had been creating what she had been creating.
  • She understood why she kept attracting the same unwanted partner and relationship.
  • She truly understood, for the first time, the cyclical nature of what she kept manifesting.

With this newfound clarity and shift in energy, she feels aligned, perhaps for the first real time, with her actual desire. She feels aligned with the partner and with the relationship she wants to attract.

She is offering a vibration, for the first time, that is truly aligned with her desire, with what she wants.

Another way to say that is she has released the energy that had kept attracting the same unwanted thing. And if that old energy is no longer there, now replaced with a new energy that aligns with her desire, then her desired manifestation is inevitable.

This is not just words. By that I mean, my client feels different. And since she feels different, the vibration she is offering is different.

She is actually happy—yes, happy—to have experienced the repeated unwanted relationships. Because the story she now tells is that path helped her get where she is today—embodying worthiness, being worthiness.

We typically don’t see anything gift-like in an unwanted situation. We often look away from the lesson being offered. So if this is new ground for you, that’s truly exciting.

I’ll wrap up with this: If you keep attracting the same unwanted thing into your life experience, I encourage you to ask yourself the two questions and shift your energy:

  • What have you been doing with your vibration?
  • What is the lesson you are being offered?

“The only problem with leaving and going someplace else is that you take yourself with you. You take your vibrational habits and patterns with you.” —Abraham