Every now and again someone comes to me for coaching who says, I don’t know what I want.
And sometimes, this is accurate. The person really doesn’t know what she wants.
In which case a powerful first step is to make your desire known to the Universe. You can simply say, I want to know what I want. Or I’m looking forward to clarity about what I am wanting.
Other times, though, it’s not really that the person doesn’t know what she wants. In fact, something altogether different is going on.
“We do not believe that people are having such a difficult time deciding what they want as much as they do not believe that they can receive what they want…” —Abraham
Ah, therein lies a very big difference.
Not knowing what you want is one thing. Knowing what you want, but not believing you can create it, attract it, receive it, is something quite different.
The pathway forward is very different for these two instances—truly not knowing what you want and knowing, but not believing.
I’m going to focus here on the latter.
You know what you want. Deep down, you know. Maybe you haven’t told anyone. Maybe you haven’t fully admitted to yourself what you want, but it’s there.
- You want a divorce or to retire early.
- You want to move abroad or start your own business.
- You want to change careers or adopt a child.
- You want a loving relationship or to feel ease around money.
You have a desire. But because you are not believing you can receive what you want, you are not owning your desire. You are not aligning with your desire.
When you have a desire and don’t believe you can receive what you want, it creates friction in your vibration. It causes you to feel negative emotion.
Quite simply: It feels bad when you want something that you don’t think you can manifest.
When you want a new job, but doubt your ability to get one, you feel very bad indeed. When you want to find a loving, long-term partner, but doubt your ability to attract and sustain a relationship, you feel negative emotion.
The negative emotion could be disappointment or discouragement. It could be fear or anger. It could be unworthiness or powerlessness. It could be any number of emotions that do not feel good.
The point being there is negative emotion when you have a desire, but do not believe you can receive what you want.
This means the vibration you are offering about what you want is some flavor of negative emotion. Clearly, this is very bad for manifesting what you want.
And so it’s a self-fulfilling, closed loop. You don’t believe you can get what you want, and therefore you don’t get what you want. Not getting what you want only reinforces the pitfall of having the desire to begin with.
And so you continue to talk yourself out of the things you want. Which feels awful.
Now, there could be any number of reasons why you are not owning your desire, why you are not shouting your desire from the rooftops.
For some, it’s simply not understanding how Law of Attraction works. For some, not claiming your desire comes from not understanding deliberate creation.
I often hear this from clients as they describe their pre-LoA experience versus life as it is today.
Let me pause here. When I say pre-LoA, let me be very clear: Law of Attraction has always been working in your life, whether you knew about it or not. Whether you were intentionally practicing LoA or not. So when I talk about the pre-LoA version, I just mean before someone becomes aware of how conscious creation works.
“Because they have not understood the powerful Law of Attraction, and because they have not been consciously aware of their own vibrational offering, they have not experienced any conscious control over the things that have come into their experience.” —Abraham
This is the crux of why someone might have confused I don’t know what I want with what’s really going on—which is not believing and not truly understanding how you get what you get.
When you don’t know how you get what you get—when you don’t understand how Law of Attraction works—it can, indeed, be confusing about why you are getting what you are getting. Or why you are not getting what you are wanting.
If you’ve never experienced any conscious control over what you’re attracting into your life experience, then it can be daunting to have desires. It’s understandable why someone might not believe in their ability to receive what they want when they’ve had no conscious control of what’s manifesting for them.
The key is to understand Law of Attraction. To understand the vibration you offer is attracting what shows up in your physical reality. This means offering a vibration of doubt about being able to receive what you want is only going to attract evidence of this belief.
“Many have experienced the discomfort of really wanting something and working very hard to try to achieve it, only to continue to hold it away because they were offering thoughts of the lack of it more predominantly than thoughts of the receiving of it. So, over time, they begin to associate the receiving of wanted things with hard work, struggle, and disappointment.” —Abraham
Can you identify with any of what Abraham is describing? Where you want something and instead of feeling the joy of that desire, you feel the discomfort? Can you relate to wanting something, and yet most of your thoughts are actually about the lack or absence of what you are wanting?
Where is it? Why isn’t what I want here yet? What’s taking so long? I don’t think it’s coming.
If this sounds familiar to you, then you likely associate wanting with some flavor of negative emotion, like disappointment, impatience, frustration, struggle, efforting.
“So when they say, ‘I don’t know what I want,’ what they really mean is, ‘I don’t know how to get what I want,’ or ‘I’m not willing to do what I think I need to do to try to get what I want,’ and ‘I really don’t want to work so hard again only to have the discomfort of still not getting what I want.'”—Abraham
You receive based on the vibration you are offering. And so your ability to manifest what you want is coming from you consciously offering a vibration that will attract what you want.
“It’s not that you do not desire more, but you have somehow convinced yourself that you cannot have more. And so, you want to avoid the disappointment of wanting something and not getting it. It is not because you do not want it that you are not receiving what you want—it is because you are focusing upon the lack of it. And, by the Law of Attraction, you are attracting the subject of your thought (the lack of it).” —Abraham
- Have you convinced yourself that you cannot have more?
- Are you trying to avoid the disappointment of not getting what you want by not wanting?
- When you think about your desires, are you more focused on the lack of what you want than what you actually want?
All these are terrible for your point of attraction.
“When you want something and then you say, ‘But I have wanted it and I did not get it,’ now your attention is upon the lack of what you want, and so, by Law, you are attracting the lack.”
Too many of us have had or are having the experience Abraham describes. Too many of us are attracting lack.
You wanted something and didn’t get it. You didn’t get it because you were focusing on it not being there—focused on lack, focused on the absence of what you want—and therefore Law of Attraction could only respond to the vibration of lack you were offering.
Again, we’re back to that self-fulfilling closed loop. If you focus on lack, you get lack. I can’t say it more plainly than that.
Let me ask: Have you given up on a desire?
You might have given up for any number of reasons. Four common reasons someone gives up on a desire are about doubt, worthiness, and lack. As in…
- You doubt your ability to get what you want.
- You do not feel worthy of receiving what you want.
- You are focused predominately on the lack of what you want.
If someone doubts their ability to get what they want, Law of Attraction delivers circumstances and conditions that match the vibration of doubt. If someone feels unworthy of receiving what they want, Law of Attraction delivers circumstances and conditions that are a match to the vibration of unworthiness. If someone is focused on the lack of what they want, Law of Attraction delivers circumstances and conditions that are a match to the vibration of lack.
Doubt, unworthiness, and lack gunk up manifesting what you want.
And so, it’s a vicious circle of offering those vibrations, not getting what you want, and giving up on your desire.
“The two sides in this balance of creation are want it and allow it. You could also say want it and expect it. You could also say think about it and expect it.” —Abraham
- Want what you want. Your desires are meant for you.
- Expect that you want. That’s the only way it works.
Have you given up on something you wanted? Are you in denial about something you really want?
Are you pretending you don’t want the relationship or the bigger house? Have you given up on wanting good health or abundance? Are you in denial about your desire for something more, something different?
“Everything that you desire is trying to make its way to you, but you must find the way to let it in.” —Abraham
Letting it in means cleaning up the doubt, unworthiness, and lack from your vibration.
- If you are doubting, you are not letting your desire in.
- If you are feeling unworthy, you are not letting your desire in.
- If you are focused on lack, you are not letting your desire in.
“Whenever you are thinking about what you want, you are feeling exhilarated, you are feeling excited, and you are feeling positive emotion; but as you are thinking about the lack of what you want, you are feeling negative emotion; you are feeling disappointment. The disappointment that you are feeling is your Emotional Guidance System saying to you, ‘ What you’re giving thought to is not what you want.’ And so, we would say, allow yourself to want a little, put your thought upon what you want, feel the positive emotion that comes forth from wanting, and let the disappointment go away. And, in your giving thought to what you want, you will attract.” —Abraham
Give thought to what you want.
Enjoy the feeling of excitement as think purely about what you want. Stay on the side of what is wanted. Enjoy your thoughts about your desired manifestation.
That feeling of pleasure in thinking about what you want—that feeling of positive emotion—is the first manifestation. And that feeling—that vibration—puts you squarely on the path of allowing in and receiving what you want.