I suppose most of us complain. We express dissatisfaction or annoyance with something—complain either with words spoken aloud or with the thoughts in our heads.
Do you complain? I do.
Since my obsession with all things Law of Attraction, I now realize complaining is focusing on unwanted, which is very bad for manifesting what is wanted.
And so I complain way, way less than I used to. I notice more readily when I am complaining. I shift gears more easily than I used to.
But as with all things, I’m not perfect. So I don’t beat myself up if I’m complaining about something. My intention is to catch myself as quickly as possible and choose to head in a different direction.
Most times I do. Perhaps you’re the same.
- Do I think complaining is the end of the world when it comes to Law of Attraction? No.
- Do I think consistently offering a vibration of complaint is really bad when it comes to manifesting. Yes. Yes, indeed.
The question in my mind is not, Do you ever complain?, but rather are you offering a vibration of complaint on any kind of regular basis?
In other words: Are you often in the energy of complaint? Is your go-to vibration one of complaint? Are you on autopilot when it comes to complaining?
“When you focus upon lack in an attitude of complaining, you establish a vibrational point of attraction that then gives you access only to more thoughts of complaint.” —Abraham
That’s how complaining works, which means it’s easy to get on the complaint bandwagon.
- You start out complaining about your boss at work, and then it’s your spouse at home, and then it’s what your neighbors are doing, and so on.
- You start out complaining about your long commute, and then it’s the line at the grocery store, and then it’s your delivery not showing up on time, and so on.
When you are in the energy of complaining, you notice more and more things to complain about.
And, of course, when you complain—about anything—you are focused on unwanted.
- When you complain about how your boss manages, that is focusing on unwanted.
- When you complain about how your spouse interrupts you, that is focusing on unwanted.
- When you complain about the slow driver in front of you, that is focusing on unwanted.
Really let that land because it’s easy to gloss past. Yeah, yeah, of course I’m complaining about things I don’t want. I’m not complaining about good stuff!
When you are complaining, you are focusing on what you do not want. It’s fine for the way your boss manages or the slow driver in front of you to be contrast that clarifies your preferences. It’s fine to notice what is unwanted in order to then know what is wanted.
Complaining, though, is not temporarily noticing what is unwanted and then turning toward what is unwanted. Instead, complaining is about continuing to focus on and think about and talk about the unwanted situation.
This does a real number on your vibration and is not good for manifesting.
“Complaining about anything holds you in the place of refusing to receive the things you’ve been asking for.” —Abraham
Of course, that’s not what you intend when you complain. You don’t intend to block the very things you want, but that’s exactly what complaining does.
Complaining is not harmless.
Now, I don’t mean you are harming others by complaining. When you complain about your boss, you are not harming your boss.
While you aren’t doing anything to the people or situations you are complaining about, you are doing something to yourself. When you complain, you are doing something to your vibration to which the Law of Attraction responds.
Quite honestly, my desire to steer clear of complaining is not because I want to be a better person. No, I steer clear of complaining because I want to allow the things I’ve been asking for. I want to offer a vibration that attracts wanted rather than unwanted.
I’ve landed on three common reasons to justify complaining.
I have been taking a sort of informal survey of my coaching clients to better understand the reasons someone would give for complaining. It’s really interesting what I’ve noticed. As I share these, see if you recognize yourself. Would you give one of these same reasons for why you complain?
#1: It’s a way to bond.
I hear this frequently.
Complaining about the boss with co-workers is a way to bond with them. Complaining about your spouse to your sister is a way to bond with her. She complains about her spouse, you complain about your spouse, and you bond over those feelings of dissatisfaction or annoyance with your mates.
So complaining is a way to bond. Yes, it is. I totally agree. It is very possible to bond with someone by complaining.
But you are bonding in a low vibration. Which means you and whoever you are bonding with by complaining are not attracting what you want.
Is this really the way you want to bond—at the expense of lowering your own vibration?
#2: I’m just telling you what happened.
When you tell the story about the long wait on hold or what your mother-in-law said or what your co-worker did…you are just telling what happened, right? It’s very easy to justify complaining with the guise of I’m just being a reliable narrator.
Here’s the thing though: It’s all about focus. When you are complaining through the lens of I’m just telling you what happened, you are focusing on all the unwanted aspects of your experience rather than focusing on positive aspects.
Focus is everything when it comes to Law of Attraction. Focus is the difference between being a deliberate creator and one who creates by default.
You always have a choice as to your focus. You can pay attention to wanted or you can pay attention to unwanted.
Bottom line: When you focus on unwanted, you are attracting more unwanted.
“The key is to not give anything that you do not want much of your attention. As soon as you realize it doesn’t feel good, do your very best to turn your attention someplace else.” —Abraham
#3: It shouldn’t be that way.
- I shouldn’t have to wait on hold for 20 minutes.
- She shouldn’t talk to me that way.
- He shouldn’t treat me that way.
- That’s not the way it should be.
In other words: It shouldn’t be that way, so I have a right to be annoyed. It’s wrong, so I have a right to be dissatisfied.
Law of Attraction responds to your vibration, not the rightness or wrongness of a situation. Not your rightness or wrongness.
When you complain about something that “shouldn’t be that way”, you are, nonetheless, complaining. The energy of complaint is what you are giving; what you will receive is more circumstances and conditions that match the frequency of complaint.
“With every little complaint and every moment you criticize anything, you are giving negativity. Complaints about the weather, traffic, the government, your partner, children, parents, long lines, the economy, food, your body, your work, customers, businesses, prices, noise, or service seem like small harmless things, but they bring back with them a whole host of negativity.” —The Power (The Secret Book 2) Rhonda Byrne
With every little complaint, you are focused on what you don’t want.
Are you ready to stop giving the negativity of complaint so that you stop receiving the rotten fruits of that negativity?
Let’s go back to those three common reasons to justify complaining: It’s a way to bond. I’m just telling you what happened. It shouldn’t be that way. If any of those sound familiar to you, what about this instead?
- Instead of bonding by complaining, bond over appreciation. Bond over what’s right and what’s working and what you like. Bond over your dreams and talk of positive expectation. Bond over enthusiasm and positive anticipation.
- Instead of being indiscriminate about what you pay attention to, focus on positive aspects. Tell stories about your day that focus on what is good and what is wanted. As Abraham says: “Anyone who begins to make lists of the positive aspects of the world around them will train their vibration and therefore their own point of attraction to more of that.”
- Instead of focusing on how something shouldn’t be, use the contrast to turn your attention fully and completely to what is wanted. Begin to create and attract from that energy of what is wanted as you move further away vibrationally from the energy of complaint.
“Celebrate as much as you can, and complain as little as you can.” —Abraham