The distinction between high vibe versus trying to fill a hole can apply to anything, but seems particularly relevant when it comes to personal development.
So think about the books you read, workshops you attend, classes you take, courses you enroll in, podcasts you listen to…
- How do you know if taking that class about manifesting or self-love or goal setting—how do you know if taking that class is high vibe or trying to fill a hole?
- How do you know if reading the book, going on retreat, or subscribing to a podcast is high vibe or trying to fill a hole?
Do you know what I mean by trying to fill a hole?
This is when you pursue personal development from a place of lack. From a place of not-enoughness. This is when limiting beliefs are driving you. When you do something with the hope it will make you feel whole and worthy and deserving.
When we pursue personal growth in this way, it’s not high vibe. It’s not about expansion. Instead, it’s about trying to fill a hole that can sometimes feel like a bottomless pit.
Of course, you already are worthy and whole.
You are enough. And when we pursue personal development from a place of wholeness and worthiness and enoughness, it IS so high vibe. We grow and expand—and we do it from a place of high vibration.
When you take the class or attend the workshop or read the book from a place of lack, from the absence of what you want, you often don’t end up with what you’d hoped. You don’t end up at a high vibration. You don’t end up manifesting what you want.
When you are trying to fill the hole, you just end up with a bigger hole.
So being aware of this distinction can create a shift in which end of the stick you are activating—what you want or the lack of what you want. High vibe or hole.
I’m going to share five signs to know if it’s high vibe versus trying to fill a hole.
See if any of these sound familiar.
1: When you think something will “fix” you, that’s trying to fill the hole and not high vibe.
The vibration of I’m broken, there’s something wrong with me doesn’t feel good and is not going to attract the circumstances, people, events, situations, and things into your life that you want.
You are not broken. You do not need fixing. When you come at the workshop or the self-help book from the perspective of needing to be fixed, you’re practicing the vibration of unworthiness.
“You are all perfect and expanding. You are all adored and worthy.” —Abraham
2: When you are a taskmaster about improvement, that’s trying to fill the hole and not high vibe.
Personal development is not meant to be about beating yourself up, coming up short, and feeling bad. It’s just the opposite!
When you approach personal development like a taskmaster and tyrant trying to whip yourself into shape for all your flaws and imperfections and mistakes and failures and past choices, that is not high vibe, my friends.
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” —Louise Hay
Attend the workshop or read the book from a place of positive expectation and limitless potential. Take the class or listen to the podcast in the spirit of what is possible, what is wanted, what is imagined. That is high vibe.
3: When you compare to conform, that’s trying to fill the hole and not high vibe.
Do you do this? When everyone is reading the book or attending the workshop and you do too, not out of excitement and enthusiasm, but out of comparison and trying to measure up, fit in, go along, be like everyone else.
I love the serendipity of finding out about a book or podcast or person that is just what I need at that moment. I totally believe the Universe is at work, connecting the dots on my behalf and for my benefit.
But that is different from chasing after what others are reading and doing and learning because you think you should too. Following the path of others is trying to fill the hole. Following your own path is high vibe.
4: When you get stuck in needing to know more, that’s trying to fill the hole and not high vibe.
Oh my, trying to fill the hole with more information is a big one for me. I spent years, decades even, doing this. I believed if I knew more, if I learned more, I would feel better.
Well, chasing more information, more knowledge often just takes you deeper into the hole. Because here’s the thing: All that knowledge, if never applied, doesn’t really make a difference.
Because while I think the learning is really important, it’s the application that truly matters. It’s the application that raises your vibration. It’s taking all that information you already know and actually using it in your real life.
Sometimes taking another class, reading another book, listening to another podcast is just a delay tactic. It’s engaging in personal development activities but actually delaying personal growth.
I’m continually amazed by the clients coming into my practice who know so much about LoA. So why are they working with me?
Because they are ready to start applying. They know it’s time to take the application of what they know to a new level.
The bottom line is we can spend a lifetime learning, learning, learning, and never apply any of it. And if we do this, if this is your M.O.—I know it was mine for a long time—then you are digging a hole. And it’s time for the higher vibration of applying what you know, of putting all that you know into practice.
5: When you look outside yourself for your answers, that’s filling the hole and not high vibe.
Here’s the thing, I am a life coach. That is my calling and how I earn my living. I have a podcast where I share and teach what I know about Law of Attraction.
So you could wonder: Is listening to my podcast or coaching with me looking outside yourself for answers?
Here’s what I would say: Sometimes someone else does have information that is useful.
For instance, often in a coaching session with a client, I’ll point out a misunderstanding or missing piece of information about Law of Attraction. And that misunderstanding or missing piece is important because it’s getting in the way of my client feeling better and manifesting what she wants.
So I’m all for gaining knowledge from whoever has it. Because once we gain that knowledge, we have it too.
But gaining knowledge is a different energy than looking outside yourself for answers. You can feel that, right?
I have one client who in our initial coaching sessions frequently asked me what to do about X, Y, or Z. And I had to tell her, gently but firmly, time and again, that I don’t have her answers. I don’t know what she should do about X, Y, or Z.
And that’s not because I’m not a fantastic coach. I am. And that’s not because I don’t know a ton about Law of Attraction. Because I do.
But none of that means I have your answers. And that’s a very good thing. Because you do have your answers. Now, you may need a little help getting in touch with them, in trusting your own emotional guidance system, and hearing your inner wisdom.
You certainly may benefit from coaching or listening to a podcast or reading the latest book, but you will never benefit from someone else handing you the answers to your life.
I promise you: Those “answers” won’t really hold up. And you will be incredibly disempowered by looking to a “expert” rather than learning to seek and hear and trust and follow your own inner voice, your own inner knowing.
Bottom line: When you look outside yourself for your answers, that’s filling the hole and not high vibe.
Do you recognize yourself in any of these five ways you might be trying to fill the hole?
- When you think something will “fix” you
- When you are a taskmaster about self improvement
- When you compare to conform
- When you get stuck in needing to know more
- When you look outside yourself for your answers
If do you recognize yourself, that’s OK. You are now presented with such a juicy opportunity: An invitation to bypass the hole and go high vibe.
Here’s how: To go from trying to fill the hole to high vibe is thought work. I want you to try on new thoughts and think differently. I want you to get new thoughts on a loop so they come easily and readily.
Because when you get your thoughts “right”—meaning aligned with who you really are and the life you really want—you will then have created new beliefs.
By practicing new thoughts into new beliefs, you change the vibration to which the Law of Attraction is responding.
“You have the ability to quickly change your patterns of thought, and eventually, your life experience.” —Abraham
So let me share a few new thoughts:
If you’ve been trying to fill the hole by “fixing” yourself, go high vibe by thinking this into a belief: I am whole and complete just as I am.
Affirming your wholeness and completeness doesn’t mean you won’t change or grow. In fact, believing in your wholeness is what will actually promote your growth and your expansion and evolution into the next version of yourself.
If you’ve been trying to fill the hole by being a taskmaster about improvement, go high vibe by thinking this into a belief: I am in the process of positive change.
I want you to hear this loud and clear: Accepting yourself is what makes it possible—and even easy—to change the things you’d like to change.
Think about how crazy it is to bully yourself to improve. That is so counter to true alignment.
Ease up on the agenda you have for your own development and see what flows. Be gentle. Drop the shoulds and have tos.
Accept yourself, approve of yourself, and embrace that you are in the process of positive change.
“Stop being mean to yourself in your comparison of where you are in relationship to where you want to be. Then, where you want to be would light up, light you, light up, light up, light up, light up!” —Abraham
If you’ve been trying to fill the hole by comparing to conform, go high vibe by thinking this into a belief: I am true to my own path.
You are not here to conform to what everyone else around you is doing. That’s very low vibe.
“I don’t compare myself with one other person because what they have, what they are doing, what they are thinking, how they are being, how they are feeling really is irrelevant in terms of my relationship with Who I Am.” —Abraham
Everyone is on her own journey—and your spiritual path is yours. That’s a beautiful thing!
Louise Hay says: “I am the author of my life.” —Louise Hay. And you are the author of your life. So repeat after me: I am true to my own path.
If you’ve been trying to fill the hole by needing to know more, go high vibe by thinking this into a belief: I’m ready to apply what I know.
Wow—that’s so simple and yet so powerful, isn’t it? I’m ready to apply what I know. Imagine what would be possible and the reality you would create with that belief.
“Knowledge isn’t power until it is applied.” —Dale Carnegie
Rest assured: You know enough right now to evolve into the next version of yourself.
We are all lifelong learners, so you will always be learning. But make the distinction between ongoing learning that is high vibe versus the compulsion to know more before you step into your potential.
“Whatever I need to know is revealed to me at exactly the right time.” —Louise Hay
I find that comforting because it means I don’t need to stay stuck in learning or stockpile knowledge as if it is scarce. No, I can trust the Universe. I can trust I will know what I need to know when I need to know it.
If you’ve been trying to fill the hole by looking outside yourself for answers, go high vibe by thinking this into a belief: I trust my own inner guidance.
It’s time to stop living by committee, polling friends about your choices, and letting the so-called experts design the blueprint for your life.
Intuition, inner guidance, inner wisdom—regardless what you call it, you’ve got it!
So forget what others think and say, and pay attention to your own internal guidance. Because have no doubt: You are always being guided
“It is figured out, and my Inner Being knows, and my Inner Being will tell me if I will listen.” —Abraham
If you’ve had a difficult time hearing your inner wisdom, it’s likely because you are still believing some outside source or authority knows better than you. That’s why you want to practice this new thought into a belief: I trust my own inner guidance.
This is an invitation to think new thoughts into beliefs.
- I am whole and complete just as I am.
- I am in the process of positive change.
- I am true to my own path.
- I am ready to apply what I know.
- I trust my own inner guidance.
“To say, ‘I want growth’, is a good thing. However, to say, ‘I want growth through joyous experience’, gives you more deliberate control.” —Abraham