This post is about a Law of Attraction perspective on getting over the breakup of a romantic relationship. To explore this topic, I’ll talk about five ways someone might not be “getting over” a breakup.

Before we dive in, let me say this: Even if a breakup isn’t relevant to what’s going on in your life experience right now, you still may want to tune in. Because you’ll be able to apply the insights from this episode to any area of your life in which you are struggling or stuck.

So let’s begin!

The first way someone can be stuck in the energy of a breakup is she wants the specific person back and is focused on the loss of what she had.

This might sound like: I can’t get over losing him. He was the one. I can only be happy with him.

Sometimes after a breakup, there is a desire for the relationship to resume. However, the vibration being offered is all about the absence of the relationship.

“You cannot desire something—and notice that it isn’t coming—without offering contradictory vibrations that won’t let it come.” —Abraham

Law of Attraction is responding to the vibration you offer. When your thoughts are I want him back and he’s not back or I can only be happy with him and I don’t have him, then you are vibrating the absence of your desire rather than your desire.

If you are continually taking stock, so to speak, of the fact that the relationship has ended, that you are alone, that you are no longer together, this focus creates a vibration that actually contradicts your desire—thereby keeping your desire from manifesting.

Noticing that what you want isn’t yet here or that it’s not yet coming creates a contradictory vibration within you. In other words: You are thinking thoughts that contradict your desire.

Yes, you want a relationship, but your focus and vibration are on the lack or absence of a relationship. While you may want the partner or the relationship, Law of Attraction is not responding to what you want. Law of Attraction is responding to the vibration you offer.

Let me just pause here for just a moment to connect the dots. Remember I said insights here can be applied to any area of your life where you are stuck or struggling.

The application of this first one extends beyond the issue of a breakup: Are you desiring something and yet focusing on it not coming? Because that, my friends, is contradicting your own desire.

A second way someone can be stuck in the energy of a breakup is she regrets the experience.

This might sound like: I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve lost so many years to that relationship.

In this example, the story she tells about the relationship is one of regret. In other words, she makes the relationship mean something that causes her to feel the negative emotion of regret.

Regret is often a mix of resentment, sadness, disappointment, even grief—all low vibe emotions.

The story you tell about what you have experienced is so important because the story you tell causes you to feel emotions somewhere on the emotional scale. And those emotions are then attracting.

I’ll say that another way: When the story you tell about the breakup is one of regret, you are offering the vibration of regret. Law of Attraction then responds to your vibrational offering by matching with more of the same frequency.

Well, you certainly don’t want more regret in your future, right? Then really let this land: Regret is telling a story about the past that mis-creates the future.

A third way someone can be stuck in the energy of a breakup is she feels what has been left behind in the past is better than anything ahead in the future.

This might sound like: I just don’t think it will ever be that good again. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone as good.

In the days and weeks and even months or years after a breakup, someone might be feeling that what she had and what could have been is so much better than anything the future holds.

She doesn’t have positive expectation and excitement about what’s ahead. The relationship that has ended looms large, while a future with all its possibility feels out of reach.

There is a stuckness to the energy of believing the relationship in the rearview mirror is better than anything she can envision that waits for her ahead.

“There is something so much bigger in your future than anything you have left behind.” —Abraham

The way you feel right now—whether you are thinking about the past or the present or the future—the way you feel right now is creating, is attracting. You are pre-paving your future.

If your belief about the future is bleak, then that is what you are creating.

Imagine how different you would feel if you were to believe what Abraham says: “There is something so much bigger in your future than anything you have left behind.”

That belief causes positive emotion, which is ideal, since you are feeling the future in a way that creates and attracts what you really want.

A fourth way someone can be stuck in the energy of a breakup is she can’t stop thinking about her ex in ways that cause her to feel jealousy.

This might sound like: I wonder if he’s found someone new. Has he already moved on?

Jealousy is #20 of 22 on the emotional scale, so it’s very low vibe emotion. You are mis-creating when you think thoughts that don’t feel good.

Whenever you feel negative emotion, you have two options: Reach for better-feeling thoughts on the subject or distract yourself from the subject altogether.

When someone finds herself continually thinking thoughts about her ex, distraction is usually more effective than reaching for better-feeling thoughts. There can be significant relief—and a corresponding lift in vibration—to focusing in an altogether different direction.

Obsessing about an ex means thinking thoughts and indulging in them rather than redirecting. If that’s where you are, that’s OK. You can only start where you are. You can choose to pivot and redirect your thoughts.

A fifth way someone can be stuck in the energy of the breakup is she wants to be in a relationship to avoid feeling lonely or feeling abandoned—or some other low vibe state.

This might sound like: I don’t want to be alone. I feel so rejected.

Whether lonely or abandoned or some other unwanted state, there is a belief that the relationship will fill the void. However, that’s a flawed premise because you will only attract what you feel.

“If you will deliberately choose your vibration, especially one that matches your own specifically created Vibration Escrow, someone you would consider to be a perfect mate must come to you. Conversely, if you do not line up with the lover you really want, you will attract the lover that matches how you feel. And if you feel abandoned, you can only attract another who will behave in the same way.” —Abraham

Abandoned is the example here, but this is true for whatever you are feeling. If you are feeling lonely, you attract more that matches up.

You attract what you feel. In all areas of your life, on all subjects.

  • If you feel scarcity, you attract circumstances and conditions that match up to scarcity.
  • If you feel unworthy, you attract circumstances and conditions that match up to unworthiness.

You attract the lover who matches how you feel. Feeling lonely or unloveable or unworthy or insecure doesn’t attract what you want. And so the question is: Based on how you are feeling right now, what sort of lover are you attracting?

“We attract lovers from our level of energy. Take time to raise your vibration and attract from a higher vibration. If you want to live happily ever after learn to manage your emotions and make joy the most important experience. It’s ever so much more satisfying to get into a blissful place and attract a blissful person and live blissfully hereafter than to be in a negative place and attract a negative partner and then try to get happy from that negative place.” —Abraham

Abraham says we attract lovers from our level of energy. That’s true for lovers and it’s true for everything we attract into our lives. It’s all coming to us from the vibration we are offering.

So it makes sense, when a relationship has ended, when a breakup has occurred, to take the time to raise your vibration before you invite the next relationship in.

And did you catch that one part: If you want to live happily ever after learn to manage your emotions and make joy the most important experience.

That means now. Today. Not when the relationship comes. Not when he comes back. Not when the dream partner walks through the door.

Too often someone wants to be semi-miserable waiting for the relationship to arrive with the belief that she will be really happy when it does.

Law of Attraction does not work that way. Yes, you can attract a new relationship from a negative place, but it will ultimately not be what you want.

The takeaway here as this relates to getting over a breakup is that the work to do is this: Take time to raise your vibration and attract from a higher vibration.

When you are stuck in the energy of a breakup, a shift in vibration is called for. Likewise, when you are stuck in the energy of anything unwanted, a shift in vibration is called for.

Here are ways to achieve the shift in vibration you want:

  1. Focus on what is wanted —not the absence of it
  2. Tell a good-feeling story (or at least a better-feeling one)
  3. Tap into hopefulness about the future
  4. Redirect your thoughts
  5. Feel now how you want to feel

If you are feeling the negative emotion of a breakup, I want to offer you this comfort and encouragement:

“This pain that you’re feeling is about you not keeping up with your dream. It’s not about the wrongdoing of your mate, it’s not about something that’s gone wrong in the relationship—it’s about you not living up to your dream. Don’t ask him to be what you’re dreaming, just keep dreaming it. If you will just hold to the picture of what you want, the Universe must yield it to you.” —Abraham