Trying to control others doesn’t feel good. Which means means trying to control others is really bad for your point of attraction.
The type of control I’m talking about can take many forms. Trying to control others can be about their behavior or perceptions or the decisions they make. Trying to control others can be about what someone thinks or how things are done.
- You want your spouse to behave a certain way.
- You want your co-worker to perceive you in a certain way.
- You want your sibling to make a certain decision.
- You want your child to think a certain way.
- You want things done a certain way.
You get the idea.
Regardless of your motivation, trying to control others has all kinds of unintended consequences.
Indeed, trying to control others is not benign when it comes to Law of Attraction.
When you try to control others, you compromise your own vibration. This means trying to control others is actually affecting what you manifest.
“Attempting to control others attracts more to be controlled. It is easy to understand how you would come to the conclusion that your path to feeling good is through influencing or controlling the behavior of others. But as you attempt to control them (through influence or coercion), you discover that not only can you not contain them—but your attention to them brings more like them into your experience. You simply cannot get to where you want to be by attempting to control or eliminate the unwanted.” —Getting Into the Vortex Cards
That is what you are doing to your point of attraction. You are attracting more to be controlled. You are attracting more on the same low-vibe frequency.
I want to talk about three ways trying to control others lowers your point of attraction.
Here’s my hope and intention: If you recognize yourself in the examples I share, it might encourage and inspire you to show up differently—as in release the attempt at control so you can improve your point of attraction.
The payoff in doing so will be two-fold: You will feel better—because trying to control others doesn’t feel good—and you will manifest with greater ease—because you’ve improved your point of attraction.
So let’s dive in to three ways trying to control others is lowering your own point of attraction.
The first has to do with the Unwanted 5.
Often trying to control others is related to what I call the Unwanted 5, as in blame, criticism, fault finding, judgment, and complaining. What I mean by this is in the midst of trying to control others, often you are also blaming them, criticizing them, finding fault with them, judging them, or complaining about them.
- You want your mother-in-law to behave differently and complain to your spouse about her.
- You want your boss to behave a certain way and blame her for your unhappiness at work.
- You want your sister to think differently and find fault with her decisions.
- You want your spouse to do things your way and criticize him when he doesn’t.
Trying to control others often goes hand in hand with the Unwanted 5. Well, Law of Attraction 101: Like attracts like. What you give, you receive.
When you think others should behave differently, think differently, perceive differently, and you mix in blame, criticism, fault finding, judgment, and complaint, you are really doing a number on your own point of attraction.
Let me say that another way: If you give blame, criticism, fault finding, judgment, or complaint with your thoughts, then that becomes your own point of attraction. You then attract circumstances and conditions, people and events, situations and things that match up to that low-vibe frequency.
Bottom line: Attempting to control others + the Unwanted 5 is bad for your point of attraction.
The next way trying to control others is lowering your own point of attraction has to do with freedom.
As in, trying to control others limits freedom—for you and for them.
Freedom is such a high vibe emotion. In fact, it’s in the #1 spot on the emotional scale, so freedom is a delightful emotion—to feel and for manifesting.
When you try to control others, you are bumping up against freedom. You are contradicting freedom. Trying to control others is constraint, which is the opposite of freedom—for you and for the person you are trying to control.
“The basis of your life is freedom.” —Abraham
Well, the basis of your life is freedom and the basis of the other person’s life is freedom.
Quite simply: Freedom feels good. Trying to control others doesn’t feel good to you and it doesn’t feel good to the person you are trying to control.
Your Inner Being likes freedom. This is why you don’t truly feel good when you try to limit the freedom of another—or whenever someone attempts to limit your freedom.
- Trying to get others to do what you want, what you think is best, what you think is right for them is the opposite of freedom.
- Trying to get others to be or behave a certain way so you can feel good is the opposite of freedom.
“True freedom comes to you when you need not one other person to be one other way in order for you to feel good.” —Abraham
Think about the vibrational difference between I can feel good no matter what versus I can only feel good if the people around me behave the way I want.
There is a significant vibrational difference, and only the first option is the vibration of freedom. The second option is not freedom; instead, it reflects big-time conditional alignment.
I can feel good no matter what is the ultimate freedom, isn’t it? I can feel good, i.e, be unconditionally aligned no matter what anyone else is doing or saying or thinking or perceiving. My choice of unconditional alignment is my ultimate freedom.
You might think freedom is to be found in getting those around you to behave the way you want. But that is not really freedom. Instead, that is conditional alignment.
That means when Person A does what you think they should, you can be happy. But when Person B doesn’t do what you think they should, you are unhappy. There is no freedom in that. Instead, there is friction in your point of attraction.
“Stop asking others to be the change that you need in order to feel better. That is the freedom that you are looking for.” —Abraham
Here’s the bottom line: You cannot control others. Attempting to do so is anti-freedom and compromises your own point of attraction.
The next way trying to control others is lowering your own point of attraction has to do with your focus.
When you focus on circumstances rather than your own vibration, you compromise your point of attraction.
Attempting to control others is about circumstances and conditions.
- He should do this…
- She should really do this…
- The right way to do it is…
- The right way to think about it is…
All that attempt at control is about circumstances and conditions. Underscoring all that attempt at control is the belief that some circumstance are good and so you feel good and some circumstances are bad and so you feel bad.
If he behaves the way you want, you can feel good. If she makes the “wrong” decision, you feel bad.
“We are not wanting you to seek control over your environment at all. We want you to seek control over your Vibration and Law of Attraction will take care of the environment.” —Abraham
Part of your environment is the people in it. The partner and boss, the kids and neighbors, the friends and relatives, the store clerk and waiter.
Abraham is saying don’t seek control over your environment because that’s the wrong focus. Focus on your own vibration—that’s where all your creative power is.
When you focus on your own vibration and are successful in “controlling” the vibration you offer, Law of Attraction responds. That is the control you are truly seeking.
“You cannot control anything except the way you feel. Trying to limit anybody about anything defies the Laws of the Universe. It cannot be done. You cannot control others, but you can control, and create, your own reality.” —Abraham
Are you trying to control others or are you trying to control the way you feel?
Because the first option is a losing proposition that messes with your point of attraction.
I’ll ask the question a slightly different way: Are you focused outward on external circumstances, including people? Or are you focused inward on your vibration?
Again, the first one gives you no creative control, meaning you will get a very mixed bag of manifestations in your life. The second option—focusing inward on your own vibration—gives you complete creative control. Focusing on your own vibration makes you a truly deliberate creator.
“You have no business whatsoever attempting to control even one condition of your life. What you’re wanting to control is your position in the stream. The stream will take care of the conditions.” —Abraham
That’s a stretch for me some days—to make no attempt to control even one condition of my life.
Nonetheless, my intention, always, is to care about my point of attraction. And I now know, with such clarity, that attempting to control anything outside myself, is undermining rather than improving my point of attraction.
Are you trying to control how others behave? How they think? The decisions they make? Are you trying to control how others perceive you?
Have you been thinking, I need him to start doing or stop doing this that or the other so I can feel good.
Do you recognize yourself? If so, one of the quickest ways to improve your point of attraction is to stop controlling others.
And let me say this: When I ask if you recognize yourself, I want to say I sure do recognize myself. Especially the version of me prior to my obsession with all things Law of Attraction.
I don’t like to think I’m a controlling person, but I recognize wanting others to behave in a certain way so I can feel good. To think in a certain way so I can feel good. To do things the “right” way—meaning the way I think they should be done— so I can feel good.
Looking at this behavior through the lens of Law of Attraction has been a real eye opener. Especially connecting the dots between trying to control and lowering my own point of attraction, which, of course, is the last thing I want to do.
“Just concentrate on yourself. You cannot control others, but you can control and create your own reality.” —Abraham
Concentrate on yourself.
When you mind your own business—in all aspects and with every other person—you have an amazing opportunity to improve your point of attraction.
“By paying attention to the way you feel, and then choosing thoughts that feel the very best, you are managing your own vibration, which means you are controlling your own point of attraction—which means you are creating your own reality. It’s such a wonderful thing to realize that you can create your own reality without sticking your nose in everybody else’s, and that the less attention you give to everybody else’s reality, the purer your vibration is going to be—and the more you are going to be pleased with what comes to you.” —Abraham
Hear that? You can improve your point of attraction and create your own reality by minding your own business, paying less attention to everyone else, and focusing on your own vibration.
If you’ve been someone who’s been attempting a lot of controlling, you will feel an immediate lift in your vibration when you concentrate on yourself. This lift in vibration reflects your improved point of attraction…
- When you avoid the Unwanted 5 of blame, criticism, fault finding, judgment, and complaining.
- When you tap into the high vibration of freedom—for yourself and for others.
- When you focus inward on your own vibration and how you feel.
“If people would simply pay attention to the harmony or disharmony within themselves, they would be able to eliminate the arduous and impossible task of trying to control the behavior of others.” —Abraham