How to Think Better: unwanted thoughts

One of the topics I get asked most frequently is about unwanted thoughts—and what to do when they happen. Those asking usually have an understanding that thought is creative, thoughts become things.

So what are you doing to your ability to manifest what you want when unwanted thoughts creep in?

Let’s start with what I mean by unwanted thoughts.

An unwanted thought is a thought that creates negative emotion in you. Because negative emotion means you are mis-creating with your thinking.

  • An unwanted thought could be when you’re thinking about a desire and doubting it will happen.
  • An unwanted thought could be when you’re thinking of yourself as unworthy in some way.
  • An unwanted thought could be worrying something you want won’t happen or worrying something you don’t want will happen.
  • An unwanted thought could be some flavor of fear—I’m afraid it’s too late. I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong decision. I’m afraid I will fail.

Another way to look at an unwanted thought is it is type of resistant thought. When you focus on something unwanted and that’s the thought in your head, you are offering resistant thought. Resistance to what you want and resistance to feeling good.

“You feel resistance because you are focused on the absence of what you are asking for.” —Abraham

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say I’m starting a new creative project and feeling really high vibe about it. I’m moving along in the creative flow, and then one day I work on the project when I’m not in alignment. Of course, that’s a clue—a preview of coming attractions.

In my state of misalignment, I have these thoughts: This will never work. No one will want this. I can’t do this in the way I really think it needs to be done. This is a waste of time.

You can see those are unwanted thoughts, right? How do we know?

Well, they certainly don’t feel good, so that’s a big sign they are unwanted thoughts. Those thoughts are also counter to what I want, which is fun, flowing creativity that feels good along the way (that’s the journey) and then ultimately manifests into form (that’s the destination).

But those unwanted thoughts are resistant thoughts. They are not in support of what is wanted.

“Continuing to tell stories of shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted.” —Abraham

Are you telling stories of what you don’t want?

Are you thinking thoughts of what you don’t want? Are you focusing upon unwanted?

  • Do you want a flow of money, but are thinking of lack?
  • Do you want an improved relationship, but are thinking of all that’s wrong?
  • Do you want to build your business, but are thinking about failing?

When you think thoughts of what is unwanted, you contradict your own desire. We do this in big ways and small ways.

  • We talk about what we want from the perspective of the lack of it.
  • We think about what we want from the perspective of its absence.

The bottom line is this: We are way too willing to think and even indulge in unwanted thoughts, in thoughts of what is unwanted. We don’t like the thoughts we’re thinking because they don’t feel good, but we keep thinking them.

“You get what you vibrate, wanted or unwanted.” —Abraham

Your vibration is coming from your thoughts.

That means when you are thinking thoughts of what is wanted, the vibration you offer is very different than when you are thinking thoughts of what is unwanted.

Many of us do this—think unwanted thoughts—without even realizing it. We are so used to allowing our unmanaged mind to think in this way. Even as we try to frame what we think and what we speak in terms of what is wanted, we slip back into unwanted.

This can happen in a couple ways.

  • First, we think we’re focused on what we desire, but our thoughts are really around the lack or absence of what we want.

Here’s an example: One of my clients wants an improved relationship. When I ask my client to describe what she wants, it’s as if she’s been asked to speak an unfamiliar language. She finds herself continually focusing on what is unwanted as her way of describing what she does want. For instance, she says: I don’t want a relationship where I’m the only one communicating. I don’t want to feel insecure all the time about our future. Can you see how she is focusing on unwanted? Focusing on wanted might sound like: I want a relationship where we are both good communicators. I want a relationship with a shared vision for the future.

  • Second, we do not look for what we want to see. Instead, we act like a reporter about what-is, so we include both what is wanted and what is unwanted in our thoughts.

Here’s an example: I recently flew from Detroit to Dallas for an Abraham workshop. I could tell you about my travel through the lens of looking for what I want to see, in other words, with a focus on positive aspects, or I could tell you about my travel through the lens of the “reporter” detailing all the so-called facts of the trip, thereby including a bunch of what is wanted, but also a bunch of what is unwanted.

I encourage you to consider whether you are offering resistant thought in one or both of these ways. I think most of us are at certain times. But I think some of us are offering resistant thought almost all the time.

Resistant thought is the default. The normal way of thinking.

And while it may be normal, it is not deliberate. It’s not using your creative power for your own advantage. It’s really letting your thinking muck up your vibration, and therefore, your point of attraction.

“Flawed premise: If I push hard enough against unwanted things, they will go away. True premise: Anything you give your attention to becomes bigger. So the harder you push against what you do not want, the more specific or the harder you push against it, the more vibration is activated within you about it and the less likely it is to go away.” —Abraham

That is the real downside and drawback to focusing on what is unwanted. When you are complaining about your spouse or boss, when you are ruminating about money worries or a situation at work, when you are giving your attention to the absence in your life of what it is you want, you are activating more of the vibration of unwanted.

As you activate that vibration, two things happen:

  • You gather momentum with your thinking in the direction of what is unwanted. One unwanted thought attracts another and another as you get momentum in a downward spiral.
  • And, Law of Attraction 101: Circumstances, people, events, situations, and things will manifest in your life that match up with the frequency you are offering.

Of course, those are both the opposite of what you want. You don’t want to experience the downward spiral of unwanted thoughts. You don’t want to be a magnet that attracts on the frequency of unwanted thinking.

Abraham says: “It is not your job to get rid of the unwanted. It is your job to tune it out of your frequency.” I love that!

So how do you tune unwanted out of your frequency?

Don’t pay attention to it. Don’t focus on it. Don’t speak about it. Don’t journal about it. Don’t complain about it with your girlfriends.

If you simply stopped doing those things, your frequency would be incredible! You would effectively have done a vibrational tune-up!

Then when you do find yourself thinking thoughts of unwanted—and you will because you’re a human being having a human experience, here’s what I recommend you do: Notice, immediately forgive yourself, and then redirect your thoughts.

Honestly, it doesn’t need to be any fancier than that. Notice, forgive, redirect.

And do this over and over and over. Because managing your mind and thinking deliberately is a muscle you are building. It IS a practice. I know I’m certainly still practicing with this.

I listen to a lot of Abraham. One of the things that has really stood out for me lately, that I seem to be hearing for the first time or maybe hearing in a new way, is the notion we are not going to be perfect in our thinking. And that’s absolutely OK.

This is not about perfection. It’s not about never having an unwanted thought. It’s not about never talking about something unwanted.

What it is about is doing it less and less. About practicing the skill of deliberate thinking. About being aware of your thinking—and this is easy because your built-in Emotional Guidance System tells you all you need to know.

“Negative emotion is your indicator of resistance, while positive emotion is your indicator of allowance.” —Abraham

While this is not about perfection, it is about being enthusiastic in your commitment to thinking thoughts that feel good.

  • To care so much about how you feel you are willing to notice when your thinking has gotten off track.
  • To care so much about how you feel you are willing to forgive yourself fast.
  • To care so much about how you feel that you are willing to redirect your attention and focus, reach for better-feeling thoughts, distract yourself, take a nap…whatever it takes!

“The power is not in the wanting, the power is in the allowing.” —Abraham

You may want a lot of things. You may have crystal clear clarity about what you want. But are you allowing in what you want? Or are you disallowing with unwanted thoughts?

The other day my Pilates instructor, Peri, noticed I was kind of cheating on the movement. I was just going through the motions on this one particular move. And Peri said, “Find the work, Jennifer. Find the work.”

Almost instantly, I did. And it changed everything about the movement, about who I was in that moment, about how I felt.

I think it’s the same with managing your mind. Find the work. Find the small tweaks you can make to your vibration by dialing down unwanted thoughts and dialing up thoughts of what is wanted.

It’s easy to get on autopilot. It’s easy to phone it in. It’s easy to say This is too hard or This is just the way I am. I’m just not a very positive person.

  • Find the work means be intentional.
  • Find the work means don’t shortchange yourself.
  • Find the work means feel your way to an improved thought.

These days I don’t beat myself up for a resistant thought. But I also do my very best not to think unwanted thoughts. I refuse to indulge in thoughts that make me feel bad. And all resistant thoughts feel bad.

At its core, this is about removing unwanted vibrations from your point of attraction. Which means, this is worth doing!

“Your habit of resistant thought is the only thing that ever keeps you from allowing the things you desire.” —Abraham

In addition to my recommendation to Notice-Forgive-Redirect, if you’re looking for other processes to use when unwanted thoughts creep in, the two Abraham always recommends are Meditation and Appreciation.

Here’s the reason meditation works: “When you quiet your mind, you stop thought. When you stop thought, you stop resistance. When you stop resistance, then you are in a state of allowing.” —Abraham

This is not about meditating all day long. It’s about meditating for 15 or 20 minutes on a regular basis. That’s all it takes to get into a state of allowing.

Likewise, I’m sure you can imagine why practicing appreciation would be the antidote to unwanted thoughts. You can’t appreciate and be focused on unwanted at the same time. It simply not possible. You are activating one vibration or the other.

“Appreciation holds me in a place of vibrationally allowing what I put into vibrational escrow.” —Abraham

When you are in a state of appreciation, you are offering a high vibration that makes you a magnet for what you want. Appreciation is a surefire way to get in receiving mode.

Whether you use my Notice-Forgive-Redirect process, regular mediation, or a robust appreciation practice—or all three, commit to managing your mind and create a vibrational shift in your life from unwanted to wanted.

“As you gradually train your own thoughts into those of positive expectation, as you align with thoughts of worthiness and Well-Being, as you align with your true power by seeking good-feeling thoughts—you will no longer offer resistance to your own abundance. And when your resistance stops, your abundance will come.” —Abraham

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