Your friend has been decluttering and simplifying. Her house looks fantastic, and you see a visible difference in how joyful she is. You say: I’m so happy for Jan and all the changes she’s making. But inside you are feeling envious and doubtful you could ever achieve the same.
Or you say: My husband and I sit down monthly to talk about our finances and have a really abundant mindset. But inside it’s a bit like that expression, “whistling past the graveyard,” because you feel a lot of worry and fear around money.
Or you say: I really feel grateful about this new work opportunity. But inside what you are really feeling is not so much appreciation as overwhelment.
What happens when your words don’t match your real vibe?
“Your words don’t matter, it’s your vibration that matters.” —Abraham
Law of Attraction is not responding to your words. Law of Attraction is responding to your vibration.
Which means you can say all the “right” words, all the positive sayings and affirmations, but if your vibe doesn’t match up, you have an opportunity.
Here’s a common phenomenon I encounter with coaching clients.
They are feeling gunky about some situation at work or an issue at home. So they are experiencing emotions in the middle of the emotional scale, like frustration or disappointment.
And they hope saying upbeat things about the situation or issue will make it better.
But what happens when you say positive things when you don’t feel positive? Which has more power? Your words or your feelings?
Feelings always take precedence over the words you are saying.
That’s because we live in a vibrational Universe. The Law of Attraction is responding to the vibration you are offering.
When your words don’t match your real vibe—in other words, when you say positive things, but don’t feel positive—your vibration wins out.
Your vibration is what is attracting. Whatever you are giving—by way of your vibrational offering—is what you are receiving.
Are you saying positive-sounding things when your feelings are not a match?
If so, you have a choice. In fact, there are really three choices.
- Continue to feel negative emotion, but say positive things. Which is creating discord, right? There isn’t harmony between your words and your emotions.
- Feel negative emotion and say negative things. With this option you’re getting rid of the disconnect, but obviously this is a lose-lose scenario. You’ve gained nothing.
- Your only “lever”, so to speak, is to raise your vibration by moving up the emotional scale and actually feeling positive emotion. In other words, creating harmony between the words you speak and the emotions you feel.
LoA can only respond to the vibration you offer. Options one and two, where you are experiencing negative emotion, will simply not attract the circumstances, people, events, things, and situations into your life you really want.
Sometimes a client says, But you told me to reach for a better-feeling thought.
And what they mean is that is what has motivated them to say positive-sounding statements. But a positive-sounding statement and a better-feeling thought are not always the same thing.
- A better-feeling thought is exactly that—a thought that feel feels better—to you.
- A thought that offers relief—to you.
A better-feeling thought. Not a thought that sounds positive and seems like it would feel better, but doesn’t.
There is a big difference between a statement that actually offers you relief versus one that just sounds great, but leaves you feeling the same or maybe even worse.
So don’t be confused about the difference between reaching for the relief of a better-feeling thought and saying positive-sounding things when you don’t feel positive. These are not the same at all.
Reaching for the relief of better-feeling thoughts is always about trying out a thought and then noticing the sensation in your body—the feeling that thought creates.
The process is not called reaching for the best-sounding statement or saying the most positive thing. No, it’s called reaching for the relief of a better-feeling thought.
“No matter what the issue is, don’t try to justify why you don’t feel good. And don’t try to justify why you should feel differently. Don’t try to blame whatever it is you think the reason is that’s keeping you from feeling good. All of that is wasted effort. Just try to feel better right now.” —Abraham
Sometimes a client wants to work on this disconnect between how they really feel and their public-facing persona. They are really positive in what they say—at work, to friends, at home. They’re encouraging and sound incredibly upbeat and optimistic.
But then reveal to me they don’t feel good a lot of the time. Even as they are sounding so upbeat and you would think they are feeling elevated emotions, they’re not.
They are vibrating much lower on the scale, often around overwhelment or doubt, around worry or fear.
Now, there are really two issues going on here.
First, it’s a waste of time putting on an outward show of positivity when inside you feel all friction and frustration. Law of Attraction isn’t responding to the outward show, but to how you feel.
Second, when the words and feelings don’t match up, you can sense the disconnect, the discord. And that doesn’t feel good layered on top of the gunkiness you were already feeling. This disconnect just creates more resistance in your vibration.
One client said in a rather exasperated tone, But I’m trying to sound so positive!
If you feel good, you don’t have to try to sound positive. Your words naturally reflect that good-feeling state.
But when you are masking negative emotion with positive-sounding words, you’re just spinning your wheels.
- You are not getting points for effort because effort is not downstream.
- You’re not getting points for faking it because pretending is not downstream.
Trying to mask negative emotion with positive-sounding words is very upstream.
It’s filled with resistance.
And you are postponing the inevitable that needs to happen: And that is the need to clean up your vibration. To actually feel better so the positive-sounding words you speak are in harmony with your vibration.
I very much want you to close the gap between what you say and how you feel.
“The Universe cannot be fooled, because it’s dealing with you on a vibrational level.” —Abraham
Why does this matter?
It matters because it’s not enough to walk around repeating affirmations or saying positive things that sound like they are from a bumper sticker or motivational poster.
It matters that you really and truly feel good.
When you really and truly feel positive emotion, the positive-sounding statements will flow, and there will be a harmony between the words and feelings, which then only adds to feeling good.
But when we walk around pretending to be happy, saying all the “right” things, but feeling gunky inside, we’re not helping ourselves.
We’re not fooling the Law of Attraction.
So rather than effort our way to saying positive things when we don’t feel particularly good, why not use our energy, instead, to feel better?
I think the very best thing you can do is start noticing whether there is a disconnect between the words you say and how you actually feel. If there is, you have an opportunity.
Are you pretending that you feel good and masking that you feel bad with positive-sounding words?
“The Universe is not punishing you or blessing you. The Universe is responding to the vibrational attitude that you are emitting.” —Abraham