Are you resisting what you want? Are you resisting your own desire?
Most of us want to answer, No, of course not! Why would I go against the very thing I want? Why would I do anything to prevent what I want from happening?
But many of us are doing just that. We are inadvertently or unwittingly offering resistance when it comes to what we want to manifest.
I’m going to share five forms of resistance I commonly see with my coaching clients. As you learn about these types, check in with yourself to see if what I’m describing could be getting in your way when it comes to manifesting what you want.
The first type of resistance is what I call: Pushing against
This type of resistance usually shows up when you are pushing against what is unwanted.
On the surface, pushing against what you don’t want might seem to make sense. But through the lens of Law of Attraction, pushing against only adds energy to the unwanted situation.
“This is an attraction-based Universe. You cannot say no. You are always saying, ‘Yes please, yes please, yes please,’ with your attention.” —Abraham
If your attention is on the unwanted situation, even as you are pushing against it, you are inadvertently telling the Universe, Yes please.
“So long as a man resists a situation, he will have it with him.” —Florence Scovel Shinn
“That which you resist stays.” —David R. Hawkin
I was recently talking with one of my clients about this type of resistance, and she shared her personal story of resisting a toxic work situation.
In hindsight my client could see she had been fighting against the environment at work, pushing against it.
- She had complained to her friends about all the maddening things going on at work.
- She had vented with like-minded colleagues about the bad boss and crazy policies being put in place.
My client said she felt like she was in a constant fight against what she disliked about her workplace.
Eventually she left that company and took a new job with a new employer. Guess what? My client found herself once again in a very similar toxic work situation.
This is because, as Abraham says: “Every time you point at what you don’t want to keep, you keep it.”
Of course, my client didn’t want to keep the toxic work environment. At the time, though she didn’t realize the vibrational role she was playing in creating what unfolded.
“If you are resisting something, you are feeding it. Any energy you fight, you are feeding. If you are pushing something away, you are inviting it to stay.” —Michael A. Singer
Now, the answer is not to just live with a so-called toxic work situation. No, the answer is to use the contrast of the work situation to clarify what is wanted and then to move in that direction.
Bottom line: So long as you push and rail and give energy to what is unwanted, you prevent wanted from manifesting.
The answer is not to point to what is unwanted and rail against it being there. The answer is not to expend energy fighting that the unwanted exists.
No, instead the answer is to use what is unwanted to clarify what is wanted and then move in the direction of what is wanted through the energy of allowing—rather than offering the energy of resistance if your focus continues to be on the unwanted and you continue to offer resistance by pushing against.
“The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don’t want.” —Iyanla Vanzant
Let go of what you don’t want. The way you shift from resistance to allowing is to let go of what is unwanted and turn toward what is wanted.
The second type of resistance is about how we view so-called obstacles we encounter along the path to what we want.
Because the way we look at so-called obstacles can really ramp up the resistance. Most of us are quick to point to things and label them obstacles. We see obstacles as bad, as unwanted. An obstacle is a problem, something getting in the way, hindering, slowing down your manifestation.
Obstacles then are something to overcome.
You’re probably nodding your head yes. And perhaps you’re wondering where I’m even going with this. I mean, an obstacle by its very definition is a thing that blocks one’s way or prevents or hinders progress.
So that’s got to be bad, right?
Well, Law of Attraction has a different perspective to offer. And it’s a perspective that can fundamentally change how we look at what we would have called obstacles.
“When we ask you to surrender to the flow of well-being and you picture a river flowing, there are banks that could be seen as the resistance that is necessary for the flow of the stream. All of it is necessary, isn’t it? So some resistance helps you to focus in your decision of what you want. And it isn’t any bigger than that. Don’t make it any bigger than that.” —Abraham
So let’s look at what Abraham is saying.
The river flows within its banks, right? The banks on either side of the flow are keeping the flow in, keeping the flow moving, guiding the flow. The banks at certain points may narrow or widen. When the banks narrow the flow may actually go faster. The resistance of those banks is steering the flow.
Are the banks of the river a bad thing? Are they unwanted? No, in this analogy the flow of the river meets the resistance of those banks and it focuses the flow. The resistance of those banks is a crucial element in the actual flow of the river.
Let’s apply that river banks analogy to you and your desires, to what you are wanting to manifest.
The resistance you encounter focuses your desires. The resistance you encounter focuses you ever more clearly on what is wanted.
That’s all the resistance is.
And yet we make it mean so much more. We make it mean so much that doesn’t serve us.
When you encounter an obstacle on the pathway to your manifestation, that resistance is the river bank. It’s helping you focus in your decision of what you want.
It’s not a problem. It’s not something to overcome. It’s not something to give a lot your attention and cause you to feel bad about. No, it’s necessary to the flow of the stream.
The pre-LoA version of me was such a problem solver. I so identified with being able to spot and solve problems. And so, of course, Law of Attraction brought lots of problems to me to be solved. Talk about an unintended consequence!
I didn’t have this analogy back then, but I can see that I was constantly noticing the banks of the river and shouting Problem! Problem ahead! Problem over there! These were then problems to be overcome, to be solved, to push against.
Let me contrast that with today.
Today when I encounter a situation I would formerly have labeled a problem or seen as an obstacle, I reframe. I choose to see that so-called problem as the river bank.
If there’s resistance, it’s just the river bank. And I don’t need to get rid of the river bank. I just need to stay in the flow of the river.
I can stay in the flow of the river with my feel-good thoughts. But I will bump up against that river bank every single time if my thoughts are problem-focused and cause me to feel negative emotion.
The third type of resistance is when you go against how you feel.
- You don’t want to join the committee, but you join the committee.
- You create a To Do list that feels overwhelming.
- You feel exhausted and just want to relax at home, but you go to your in-laws.
- You complain to your best friend about your spouse and feel worse.
“You are downstream beings who have trained yourself upstream. It’s no wonder you’re ornery, you are downstream beings. Life is supposed to be easy. Life is supposed to be fun. And that’s why when it isn’t, most of you are throwing little mini fits while you conform with whatever is going on. Let the way you feel be the most important thing.” —Abraham
Don’t you love that phrase: You are downstream beings who have trained yourself upstream. Do you see yourself in that description?
I’m definitely less of that today, but before my obsession with all things Law of Attraction I was fully trained in those upstream ways.
Again, this type of resistance is when you go against how you feel.
You do things because you should, not because you want to. You don’t follow what feels good, you follow what others are doing or what others expect or want you to do. You approval seek and people please. You conform.
And, of course, none of that feels good.
When you resist following your built-in Emotional Guidance System, you are in a state of resistance. That probably sounds pretty obvious when I say it that way, but how often are you doing just that?
I know I used to do that all the time. I had, indeed, trained myself to go upstream. It didn’t feel good. It was a lot of effort. And it definitely made me grumpy.
You are a downstream being. Life is supposed to be easy. Life is supposed to be fun. If those two concepts—easy and fun—sound foreign to you and the life you are living, that is likely a sign you have trained yourself to go upstream.
You’re not happy about it. You’re throwing those little mini fits Abraham mentioned, but as you continue to conform to whatever is going on rather than following what feels good.
And so long as you do that, you downstream being you, well, then you are in a state of resistance.
A fourth type of resistance has to do with: Can or can’t.
This type of resistance revolves around a really simple idea: Are you oriented toward can or can’t? Toward possibility or impossibility. Toward Sure why not or that’s out of the question.
You have desires. You have goals you want to achieve, shiny pennies you want to acquire, states of being you want to embody.
When you launch a rocket of desire, what happens next in your mind? Do you immediately think about all the possibility…or do you instantly start thinking about how you probably can’t have what you want, can’t achieve what you want, can’t be who you want to be?
I’ll say it another way: Are your thoughts toward all that’s possible, which fills you with positive anticipation and expectation? Or are your thoughts doubt-filled? I don’t think I can do that, have that, be that.
This type of resistance—the can’t kind—is insidious because it’s self-fulfilling. If your belief is I can’t—and, of course, that causes you to feel negative emotion—then Law of Attraction delivers a matching reality. A reality where you, indeed, can’t.
And then you point to it and say, See, I was right. I can’t.
Like I said, insidious.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you dial down this type of resistance, you can do that, you can have that, you can be that.
“A positive mind finds a way it can be done; a negative mind looks for all the ways it can’t be done.” —Napoleon Hill
When you have a positive mind—as in your think thoughts that feel good—the Universe will do the heavy lifting of manifesting.
Often times both these vibrations of I can and I can’t are active in the same person. One minute you’re feeling optimistic and thinking positively about your desire. The next moment you are filled with doubt and feeling so much worry you won’t get what you want.
Have you had that experience? Where you are feeling both I can and I can’t with your thoughts in the same day or the same hour?
It makes me think of this great quote:
“One might as well try to ride two horses moving in different directions, as to try to maintain in equal force two opposing or contradictory sets of desires.” —Robert Collier
I can and I can’t are, indeed, opposing or contradictory sets of desires. And so you are riding two horses moving in different directions, which leaves you with the resistance of feeling stuck and likely exhausted.
Another type of resistance is about control.
Too many of us are delaying or derailing our manifestations because we are micromanaging the Universe. I want this and it needs to happen by this deadline and in exactly this way. In other words, you are in charge, control is the vibration you offer, and you are orchestrating the unfolding of your manifestation.
“Don’t try to steer the river.” —Deepak Chopra
But that’s what many of us try to do. We don’t get in the flow of what’s unfolding and enjoy the journey of the ride. No, instead we try to steer the river, try to orchestrate every detail of the unfolding of what we want.
The vibration of the type of control I’m describing is low vibe. There’s little to no trust, which means there’s probably some doubt, which is #13 on the emotional scale—more than halfway down. Trying to steer the river often has the vibration of impatience, sometimes worry.
Let me put it this way: When you don’t have faith that what you want has been vibrationally created and will manifest into your physical reality when you align vibrationally with your desire—when you don’t trust this—you try to control, you try to maneuver and orchestrate, you try to make things happen.
And when you do this, the friction in your vibration is resistance.
Of course, that’s not what you intend.
But this energy of control and micromanage is most definitely resistance, and is the opposite of allowing. Which means rather than usher your manifestation into form, you are actually getting in the way. Your attempt to control is not allowing the very thing you are trying to control.
While there are other types of resistance, the five I shared are the most common I encounter in my coaching practice.
The resistance of…
- Pushing against
- How you view so-called obstacles
- Going against how you feel
- Can or can’t
Do you have resistance in your vibration because of one of these?
Most of us have heard the expression, Go with the flow. Or perhaps you’ve heard Abraham saying: “Let go of the oars…everything you want is downstream.”
Letting go of the oars is letting go of resistance.
“Everything that we want is downstream… And you don’t have even to turn the boat and paddle downstream, just let go of the oars, the current will carry you. —Abraham