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5 reasons you might feel bad about what you want

How to Feel Better: what you want

Is what you want making you feel bad?

On the surface, that might seem like a strange question. But I’m noticing so many of us are feeling bad about or because of what we want.

So what’s going on? Why would something we want—some goal we want to achieve or shiny penny we want to acquire or experience we want to have—why would what we want make us feel bad?

Well, I think there are a few possible reasons this could be going on—and I’m going to share five of them.

But first let me tell you what Abraham says desire could and should feel like—which is anything but bad!

“Unfortunately, many people think that the uncomfortable feeling of wanting something they do not expect to experience is what the feeling of desire is; they no longer recognize the feeling of pure desire as that fresh, eager feeling of expectancy that they knew when they were younger. The feeling of pure desire is always delicious, as it represents the vibrations that are stretched out before you, into your unseen future, preparing the way for the Law of Attraction to match things up on your behalf.” —Abraham

The feeling of pure desire is always delicious and is that fresh, eager feeling of expectancy.

But that’s not what many of us are feeling about what we want. Which means right away we know we are not experiencing pure desire.

In other words, if what you want is making you feel bad, it’s not pure desire. If wanting x, y, or z is causing you to experience an uncomfortable feeling of wanting, then perhaps it’s because of one of the five reasons I’m about to share.

1: You doubt your ability to have it, do it, or be it. There’s disbelief.

  • You doubt your ability to get the promotion.
  • You doubt your ability to buy the new house.
  • You doubt your ability to take the trip to Europe.

“Doubt is the way you feel when you are focused in a way that is contrary to what you want.” —Abraham

When you have doubt and disbelief about something you want to achieve, acquire, or experience, you don’t feel good. You feel insecure, powerless, unworthy—which are all emotions on the low end of the emotional scale.

“When you want something that you believe, it feels good. But when you have a desire that you doubt, then that desire does not feel good because the vibrational content of your desire and the vibrational content of your belief does not match. Negative emotion is simply present when you are thinking in opposition to your own desire.” —Abraham

I love the simplicity of that last part: If you are feeling negative emotion, you are thinking in opposition to what you want.

2: You are focused on the absence or lack of what you want.

  • You want abundance, but are focused on scarcity.
  • You want wellness, but are focused on sickness.
  • You want clarity, but are focused on confusion.

When you want something but are focused on the absence of it or lack of it, you don’t feel good.

You feel disappointment, friction, and impatience—again, these are not elevated emotions, but instead smack dab in the middle of the emotional scale.

Think about what you will attract from that feeling place of disappointment and impatience. You will attract more circumstances, people, events, things, and situations into your life to feel disappointment and impatience about. Which means you will continue to resist the manifestation you want.

“When you are thinking about your new X from a place of worrying that you cannot achieve it (or frustration that it has not yet come), you are actually focused on the absence of X and you are not allowing it into your experience.” —The Law of Attraction

Are you focused on the presence of your desire or the absence of your desire?

“You are never going to come to the end of your pile of desires! Every time a desire is born within you, and you line up with the feeling of it (not the feeling of the absence of it) it will flow easily into your experience.” —Abraham

It’s this simple: If you are lined up vibrationally with the absence or lack of what you want, you feel negative emotion—and what you want will not flow easily into your experience.

3: You are focused on how to make what you want happen and you don’t know how.

So you feel anxious and discouraged, frustrated and irritated. Those are not the emotions you want to be feeling in order to manifest what you want.

When you’re overly focused on how to make what you want happen, you aren’t trusting the Universe. And you aren’t allowing the Universe to work its magic on your behalf.

“Everything that you want is coming. Just relax and let the Universe pick the timing and the way. You just trust that it is coming and watch how fast it happens.” —Abraham

Trying to force and figure out how to make what you want manifest creates confusion instead of the clarity that comes when you “find ease in your attitude of trust.”

When you stay in the what you want and why you want, the how will be revealed. You’ll have the spontaneous thought, you’ll experience the serendipitous connection. The how will unfold.

When I find myself overly focused on how something is going to happen, I find such relief in this from Abraham: “The Universe knows the perfect timing for all those things you want, and will find, through the crack of least resistance, the best way to deliver it to you.”

Doesn’t it feel good to believe the Universe knows the perfect timing and the best way to deliver what you want?

4: You are efforting to make it happen.

You’re trying and pushing, striving and struggling. You’re trying to force the dots to connect.

Efforting is your indication you are not going with the flow. When you try to make things happen, you disconnect from the flow of the Universe and head upstream.

“Your Inner Being will never guide you towards the most efforting way. Your Inner Being is always lighting up the most delightful, most satisfying, most intoxicating, most life-giving, breath-inspiring way.” —Abraham

Some of us know only one way to try to get what we want—and that is BY efforting. That certainly used to be the way I lived—before my obsession with all things Law of Attraction.

But when you’re efforting, you amplify resistance, which is counter to actually manifesting what you want.

This is not to discourage you from taking action. It’s to encourage you to make the distinction between inspired action versus efforting.

“If the impulse comes and it feels good, follow it. But if the impulse comes and it feels like efforting, then back off a little bit.” —Abraham

When you effort to make what you want happen, your energy is misaligned. But when you take action from a state of alignment—action that feels good and you’re excited to take—that’s inspired action.

So if you’re feeling bad, ask yourself whether you’re trying to effort your way to what you want. Abraham says: “Don’t effort, just soften up a bit.”

5: You are thinking about it too much.

Sometimes I do this. I think too much about something I want. It’s as if I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t just let it be. I’m like a dog with a bone. Just constantly mentally chewing on this thing I want.

“Many of our physical friends really believe that they must find a desire and then hold tenaciously to it. And we say, you do not need to do that. Let the variety of your life keep balance in your life. You just concentrate more on holding yourself in the good-feeling place where you’re letting it in.” —Abraham

Where you’re letting it in. Hmmm… letting it in is definitely a skill I want to continue to develop. What about you?

Don’t be worried you’re not thinking about what you want enough.

When asked, Could I think too little about my desire, for it to manifest?, Abraham says:

“Actually, no, because as the contrast launches the desire, and then you do not offer any opposing thought, then you’re letting it in, and it will manifest.” —Abraham

There it is again: Letting it in. Too many of us are not getting what we want because we are not letting it in.

So want what you want, but not from a place of holding tenaciously to your desire or thinking all the time I want it. I want it. I want it.

Let it in. Let it in. Let it in.

“The entire Universe is conspiring to give you everything that you want.” —Abraham

But you have to line up vibrationally with what you’ve asked for. You can’t feel bad about what you want and manifest what you want.

When someone has a history of feeling bad about what they want, they often respond by trying to stifle desire.

In other words, they try to stop wanting.

  • They talk themselves out of wanting the romantic relationship or fulfilling job.
  • They pretend they don’t want to be at their ideal body weight or to have good health.
  • They give up on their dreams, acting as if those dreams no longer matter.

What do you suppose happens when you—a growth-seeking Being—try to stifle desire, try to suppress the wanting that contrast has inspired within you?

It doesn’t feel good! It is going against your natural expansion and the natural expansion of All-That-Is. When you suppress what you want, you are cutting yourself off from the flow of life.

So if you’ve talked yourself out of wanting what you want, I hope this is a gentle, but firm nudge.

The answer is not to silence your wishes and desires. The answer is to start feeling good about what you want. Because feeling good about what you want is the pathway through which what you want can manifest.

“When the desire is born, right away you start counting yourselves a failure, because you’ve got this desire that hasn’t been satisfied. Know that you never get it done! And since you never get it done, it’s time to stop being unhappy about what’s undone, because most of it is undone! You are an eternal being. Most of it is undone. Instead of taking score about what’s been achieved — we want you to start feeling anticipation about what is still to arrive…” —Abraham

Don’t give up on your hopes and dreams. Don’t stifle and suppress your desires. Don’t be unhappy about what is yet to be done and yet to come.

Imagine how different your vibration, your point of attraction, will be when you start feeling anticipation about what is still to arrive.

“The only reason you have not already received what you desire is because you are holding yourself in a vibrational pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire.” —Ask and It Is Given Cards

It’s time to change the vibration you are offering around what you want.

I shared five possible ways you might be in a vibrational pattern that doesn’t match the vibration of your desire. Which resonated?

  • Do you have doubt and disbelief about what you want?
  • Are you focused on the absence or lack of what you want?
  • Are you preoccupied with how what you want will manifest?
  • Are you efforting to try to make what you want happen?
  • Are you simply thinking too much about what you want?

None of these feel good. And any one will keep you in a vibrational pattern that simply doesn’t match up to manifesting what you want.

“What true patience is, is knowing that you want it and knowing that it’s coming and actually enjoying the unfolding along the way. Understand that you never get it done. So you might as well be patient. You never get it done, because every time you want and receive, you also receive a new perspective from which to want. Life is a constant unfolding of new desires and then a constant alignment to those desires.” —Abraham

  • If you have doubt and disbelief about what you want, it’s time to practice new thoughts that allow you to develop new beliefs.
  • If you have been focused on the absence or lack of what you want, it’s time to shift your focus and energy exclusively to what is wanted.
  • If you are preoccupied with how, it’s time to trust the Universe with the perfect timing, the perfect unfolding.
  • If you have been efforting to make things happen, it’s time to ease up, turn downstream, and go with the flow.
  • If you have been ruminating about what you want, it’s time to take your attention off what you want. You’ve asked. Now let the Universe deliver by letting it be.

“We want to help you understand the preciousness of the unfulfilled desire. If you could, in this moment, begin to feel appreciation for the fact that the desire exists, and feel anticipation about its unfolding, rather than instant disappointment that it has not manifested, your Energy would clear up by 95%. And your manifestation would begin to flow to you so much more easily.” —Abraham

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