Imagine we’re sitting together over a cup of coffee or tea, and I look you in the eye, and say, You’re so selfish.
How do you feel? Have I insulted you? Or complimented you?
Being thought of as selfish is a bad thing, right? I mean, who wants to be called selfish? It’s not exactly a desirable character trait, right?
Well, Abraham wants you to reconsider. In fact, Abraham thinks I’ve just given you a big compliment.
“We are often accused of teaching selfishness, and we agree that we do. Everything that you perceive is from the perspective of self; and if you are not selfish enough to insist on your connection or alignment with your broader, wiser Inner Being, then you have nothing to offer to others. By being selfish enough to care how you feel, you can then utilize your Guidance System to align with the powerful Energy of Source, and then anyone who is fortunate enough to be your object of attention, benefits.” —Abraham from The Law of Attraction
Hmmm….that’s not what we’ve been taught about selfishness, is it?
From the time we’re born, we are taught: Don’t be selfish.
Now, this message may start out with Don’t be selfish; share your toys. But as we grow up, don’t be selfish takes on a whole other meaning. One that’s very damaging—and has the Law of Attraction working against you, not with you.
When we grow up, the meaning, the subtext, of don’t be selfish is: Put others first. Don’t think of yourself. Serve others.
As women we’re taught to nurture and caretake. We’re taught to put ourselves at the end of the list—if we’re on the list at all. We’re taught focusing on our own wants and needs is selfish—even unattractive.
The really sad part is we so internalize the message don’t be selfish that we elevate self-sacrifice in the process. We do for others and downplay our own desires. We put others first and put off what we really want.
This self-sacrifice comes at a huge expense.
When you are self-sacrificing instead of selfish, you cut yourself off from well-being, from the positive flow of energy, from joy. You cut yourself off from what you really want. And this almost always leads to suffering and martyrdom and resentment.
“It is important that you allow yourself to pay attention to what you want. And there are those who will call that selfishness, and they do so in a judging or disapproving way. And we say to you that unless you have a healthy view of self, unless you are allowing yourself to want, and expecting to receive that which you want, you will never be deliberate in your creating, and you will never have a very satisfying experience.” —Abraham from The Law of Attraction
Whoa! Allow yourself to pay attention to what you want. That’s a very different message about selfishness—one that’s empowering, not disempowering.
And did you catch the part about “you will never be deliberate in your creating”. That really stands out for me. You cannot be a deliberate creator of your own reality unless you are selfish.
But most of us were not taught to really pay attention to what we want. Most of us were not taught that feeling good is of the highest importance.
Instead, we were taught to go along and get along and fit in. We were taught to measure our worth by what we get done and what we do for others. We were taught to take care of others’ needs and feelings and ignore our own.
We were taught to NOT be selfish.
But what happens when you’re self-less instead of selfish?
You don’t have a self. When you aren’t selfish, you get out of alignment, you have a low vibration. And you compromise your point of attraction in a very big way.
Are you feeling resistance to being selfish?
Are you worried by being selfish, you will take away from others? Well, you needn’t worry.
“If you are not selfish enough to deliberately align with the Energy of your Source, you have nothing to give away. Some worry that if they take too much of the pie, others will be left with nothing; while, in reality, the pie expands in proportion to the vibrational requests of all of you.” —Abraham from Ask And It Is Given Cards
The pie expands in relation to your wants and my wants. Think about how beautiful that is.
The Law of Attraction says we are all Uplifters at heart. But you can’t uplift unless you are tapped into Source and have something to give.
“You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive or sick enough to help sick people get well. You only ever uplift from your position of strength and clarity and alignment.” —Abraham from Money, and the Law of Attraction
I know it might seem counterintuitive, but if you want to be an uplifter, you have to be selfish.
That’s why Abraham says: “You can’t thrive without perpetuating thriving.”
But YOU have to thrive first. You must be selfish enough to come into vibrational alignment with who you really are.
I want you to be selfish. Intentionally, deliberately, consciously.
Here are 5 ways you can be more selfish.
#1: Pay attention to your vibration.
“The only thing that matters is what are you doing right now in your vibration? And you can tell what you’re doing right now in your vibration by the way you feel.” —Abraham
Be selfish enough to want to vibrate at the high end of the emotional scale. You deserve to experience Joy, Empowerment, Freedom, Love, Appreciation. You have a right to Passion, Enthusiasm, Happiness, Positive Expectation, Optimism.
And you simply can’t be selfish if you don’t pay attention to how you feel.
#2: Prioritize feeling good.
“If we were standing in your physical shoes, that would be our dominant quest: entertaining yourself, pleasing yourself, connecting with yourself, being yourself, enjoying yourself, loving yourself.” —Abraham
So many of us are used to feeling so-so. My friend Laurie refers to it as the comfort zone of discomfort. Well, no more. Selfishly claim your right to feel good.
#3: Want what you want.
I encounter so many women who are apologetic, confused, or in denial about what they want.
I want you to reclaim your ability to clearly and proudly claim, I want this! Whatever this is.
It’s time to honor your own wants and needs. So stop downplaying and discounting what you want. Stop putting everyone’s needs before your own.
Want what you want! Put your needs first.
#4: Mind your own business.
Does this one surprise you? Well, it shouldn’t.
“All of you would live happily ever after…if you would just mind your own business.” —Abraham
Minding your own business is two-fold.
First, it’s keeping your nose out of the business of others. You can’t create in the experience of another person, so stop trying to fix, meddle, give advice, control, and manage other people.
You are the creator of your reality, not the orchestrator in anyone else’s life. Minding your own business means minding your OWN vibration and alignment.
Second, mind your own business when it comes to what others think and the opinions they have about you. This is especially important for people pleasers and approval seekers.
What others think about you is not your business. And a critical key to selfishness is to stop caring about the opinions of others.
“People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you. Our encouragement is that you let your opinion of you be your top priority.” —Abraham
#5: Follow your bliss.
“Be selfish enough to follow your bliss, and you will tap in to the natural, Pure, Positive Essence of You.” —Abraham
Your bliss—your joy—will guide you. If you let it.
“Our strongest wanting for you is that you lighten up. In other words, spend more time looking for things to laugh about and play with. Play your way through this. It really is the key. When you follow your bliss, it is always an easy journey.” —Abraham
That’s the list—5 ways to be more selfish:
- Pay attention to your vibration.
- Prioritize feeling good.
- Want what you want.
- Mind your own business.
- Follow your bliss.
So, yes, Law of Attraction is, indeed, selfish. And that’s a very good thing. I hope you’re rethinking everything you’ve ever thought about selfishness.
And while you’re at it: Let’s all stop throwing shade at women who make feeling good a priority, who model selfishness. And let’s stop putting women on a pedestal who put themselves last on the list.
“We are all One. When you are selfish enough to seek joy, you are adding to the joy of All That Is.” —Abraham
Talk about being an Uplifter!